Babies?

[MamaBearXO]

Right I can’t go into all the details as there’s too much but basically me and my partner have a baby together and we agreed we wanted another one in 2-4 years and try for the opposite sex, however over the months of our current baby our relationship has broken down and I will take a lot of blame for that as my partner feels neglected and unloved so the other day he broke up with me.
The thing is I thought we’d be professional about the second baby situation and promise to have another baby no matter the situation which he seemed to agree to before as he stated he wanted his children to be full blood but now he’s not so sure on that as he said “what if I have a new girlfriend?”.
However he said there is possibility of us getting back together just not right now we need to work on us separately (we’re each other’s first love and took each other’s virginity sorry tmi)
The thing is I’m thinking about a second baby now I may sound stupid but if we’re not getting back together for definite then I think having another baby as soon as possible would be the best situation so we have our second child sorted and we can parent equally and not effect the other due to not having a relationship with each other, however if he does want to stay with me then the second baby will effect our relationship.

I hope I don’t sound too crazy I just like everything planned out and I really do love this man and would love to have another baby with him and no one else.

Can I please have some advice or input?
Thank you

You want to have another baby with a man you’re no longer in a relationship with? Surely you don’t need Mumsnet to tell you that’s a bad idea

You want to have another baby with a man you’re no longer in a relationship with? Surely you don’t need Mumsnet to tell you that’s a bad idea

Agreed. Also, "try for one of the opposite sex" what are you going to do if you get one of the same sex next time too? You don't have to "collect the set" you know.

This is the actual recipe for disaster.

I thought we’d be professional about the second baby situation and promise to have another baby no matter the situation which he seemed to agree to before*

OK, even if (for the sake of argument) he did previously promise to be "professional" and conceive a second child with you no matter what he has now clearly changed his mind. Which he is 100% allowed to do - if he doesn't want a second child with you, there's not much you can do about it.

There are advantages to having two kids with the same father, but most of them are advantages for you, not him. He may not relish the prospect of becoming a NRP to two kids - he may already be extremely sad about having to share custody of his existing child, let alone wanting to add a baby to that.

How can you try for a baby if you are not together?
i am ignoring the comment that you want one of the opposite sex.
It’s all nuts.

Aren't you only 19? Behave yourself.

Is this serious?

You thought you'd be 'professional'....what does that even mean??

...this a bit reminds me of a friend of mine who had a child and then split with his wife. She'd always wanted two kids and felt that the best solution would be for him to father it. She could only see the advantages to herself - that she could have another baby straight away without having to go thorough the tedious process of finding a new partner, that it would be easier for her to arrange visitation, she knew my friend was a good dad and wouldn't be a dick about maintainence, her kids would be full siblings (I think she was a bit snobby about having two children by two fathers) etc.

Not a single thought for how my friend might feel about having a newborn baby he couldn't see except an hour here and there, another child who he would miss out on seeing every morning and evening, a second child he would be financially responsible for. It was all about her and what she wanted. She was most put out that my friend didn't agree to it.

try for the opposite sex
That's not a thing you can do, no matter how many "gender sway" nonsense forums you read.
I thought we’d be professional about the second baby situation
I don't understand what you mean. It's a relationship and a family, not a business?
he wanted his children to be full blood
What does this mean? I want to make a Harry Potter joke about mudbloods but I'm assuming he means he doesn't want to father half-siblings?
we’re each other’s first love and took each other's virginity sorry tmi
You sound very young.
The thing is I’m thinking about a second baby now I may sound stupid but if we’re not getting back together for definite then I think having another baby as soon as possible would be the best situation
This is nuts! How is a new baby ASAP the best situation for a couple who aren't getting back together?
we have our second child sorted and we can parent equally and not effect the other due to not having a relationship with each other, however if he does want to stay with me then the second baby will effect our relationship.
I truly do not understand this logic, at all. You think having a baby, while separated, won't affect each other? What do you mean by "have our second child sorted"? It's not a checkbox on a list!

Sorry, are you talking about real babies? Because it sounds more like you are discussing getting more labradoodle puppies.

You cannot try for a baby of a certain sex.

You are not together now, so why the hell would you want to have sex with him and deliberately get pregnant? Honestly, this is one of the most bizarre posts I’ve ever read on here.

How old are you?
Seriously, how old?

You do know you “can’t try for the opposite sex” don’t you? you can try for a baby that is it!

As for having a baby despite breaking up - are you for real? Did you seriously expect him to agree to this? And what on Earth do you mean by “being professional” - it’s a relationship not a business transaction

This post can not be for real, surely ?!

Mental.

Thank you everyone for the input
I'm not sharing anymore details as it will be no where near enough for the situation to be explained fully.
If we have another baby and it's the same sex we will both be very happy still? No question asked about that but I guess people aren't allowed to want to know what's it's like to parent both sexes and we both wanted two kids (3 max) and still do.
When I say ASAP I don't mean next week I mean months to next year.
I understand I'm young so I must be stupid and can't plan ahead but there's plenty of people in their 20's and 30's who plan when they want to have kids and how many.
I've spoken to him and I probably should've done that before asking on here as he gave a better and more helpful response

No one is saying "young = stupid = can't plan ahead". We're saying having a baby with someone you've already broken up with is truly bizarre.

As someone blamed throughout my childhood and to present day for being the wrong sex please abandon the idea. It's most upsetting you're thinking this way. I'm actually hoping your thread is a wind-up.

‘We both wanted 2 kids and still do’

What, he still wants kids with you even though he doesn’t want to be with you? Batshit.

The full sibling thing is bollocks. My sister is my half sister, I don't see it that way, she's my sister and I love her exactly the same way I would if our birth parents were the same.
You've conjured up this romantic image of two children (one of each sex, which you have no control over anyway) and it'll all be lovely because they're full siblings and their dad will visit sometimes. Or you're hoping it will make him get back with you.
In reality if you go ahead with this, you'll be a single parent to two children, which is stressful and hard work.
Focus on yourself and your current child, you can have another baby in the future when you meet someone and have a loving, stable relationship.

Yeah, good luck with that OP. So you want him to just pop some sperm in you so you can get on with parenting your little matching set, but you say you already caused the relationship breakdown due to one child so you can't be with him and raise another. So he gets to what, pay you CS and see them part time?!

The thing is I thought we’d be professional about the second baby situation and promise to have another baby no matter the situation which he seemed to agree to before as he stated he wanted his children to be full blood but now he’s not so sure on that as he said “what if I have a new girlfriend?”.

The thing is I’m thinking about a second baby now I may sound stupid but if we’re not getting back together for definite then I think having another baby as soon as possible would be the best situation so we have our second child sorted and we can parent equally and not effect the other due to not having a relationship with each other

I think this is one of the silliest things I've ever read on Mn, and that's including all those alarming threads about people thinking well into adulthood that Sinn Féin is a person and that Africa is a country. Why not grow the hell up before having another baby with anyone?

In what alternative universe is thinking that your ex-partner with whom you have broken up is being 'unprofessional' by not wanting to have another child with you?

Google's Sinn Féin

Wow - you must be really really young to think this is a good idea!
A new man may be happy to take on one child.
Start adding more into the mix and it makes it less desirable!
What's wrong with half siblings?
You seriously need to have a word with yourself and stop with all this BS!

Standing up for young mum's here, we don't all think this way!
OP this is a horrific idea, a total recipe for disaster. Don't even think about it, stop entertaining the idea and focus on your child you do have a count your lucky stars you have them. Please don't bring another baby into a broken relationship, another child might be part of the plan but I doubt you and your DP breaking up was part of the plan and now that has happened, so take a step back and reassess the situation.