He said he wants to break up in anger!

[Melanie1811]

Me anf my husband have been together 4years - have a 2years old son. Our relationship has been rocky at the beggining and he was talking about divorce and how he is not himself with me etc(I was happy in love and wanted to be with him) ...we worked through it and our relationship became stronger! Last 12months we have been doing a lot of family activities, having sex almost daily, planning for future. He got upset last night (about something little-me being lazy and not doing laundry) and this morning he told me he can’t do this pretending anymore. He wants to break up, we are too different....I cried and cried all day- he came to apologise in the evening saying he was just angry. Not sure what to think but it hit me hard! It took me so long to trust him and in our relationship and now it feels ruined. What do you guys think? I’m scared when he said all these things-that’s how he feels really inside and apologised just because I was too upset. I’m also now starting to think if I can do this all over again after all the hard work I put in last year fixing our problems

What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart.
Run!

Would like to also point out that other than this horrible day we have no problems and everything seems “perfect”

Whether he means it or not the fact that he said it- and left me crying all day- would be enough to end it.
I would be on egg shells waiting for the next time.

I think that you need to prepare yourself for the very real possibility that he was telling you the truth during your argument and that now he's had a chance to calm down, he's decided that he can carry on.

I think, in your position, I'd insist on individual counselling sessions for both of you, so you can both process your feelings. The trust would be very badly damaged for me. And as much as you're in love with him, don't you want to be married to someone you believe loves you too?

Run. Run now. I've been here and it took me another 5 years of being treated like crap, on eggshells in case he decided to leave again to leave for good, and on my terms.

He's being controlling, manipulative and abusive. It's a lot to get your head round right now but when you think you're close to losing something you think you want it more, and that's the same with you.

Step away, take some time away and think whether he really, really makes you happy or if you've just been conditioned to think that by him. Think what influence his behaviour will be on your child. You will regret not doing it sooner if you wait.

I tend to agree with previous poster. I know everything seemed perfect but with the outburst it sounds as though he could be bottling up resentment.
It's very easy to trundle along when no problems present as major, but if you're trundling along because it's easy than when a problem arises BANG.
Because it's been ok for the past 12 mths, your husband is probably in 2 minds at this stage.
Can I just ask op, you mentioned he wanted to bail early on, but since then you've worked hard etc. Has the hard work been mutual?

Who worked through it and made changes you or both of you

What caused the row today

Been there and done that and now he’s divorcing me for MY unreasonable behavior.
Always listen to what someone says to you when in anger. They are speaking the truth. I heard but didn’t listen.
End it now.

If he had said it in the heat of the moment then it might have been just borne of anger. He didn’t he thought about it all night. He wasn’t angry and he said something telling. He doesn’t want to pretend any more. It resonates with his past behaviour and sentiment.

I suspect that unfortunately he may never really have wanted the relationship to progress as it has. You were rocky in the beginning and as you have a 2 year old then I suspect you weren’t together very long before getting pregnant. You say you have always loved him but he has always had doubt.

People in love don’t doubt that love. This is always going to be unequal and I think you both need counselling. At least.

That’s the sort of thing abusive people do to control their partners.

You poor thing :(

Re everything being perfect, sex every day etc after cheating, please please please look up hysterical bonding.

Reading about it honestly changed my life as it was the crux of all my previous relationships.

Never again!!

I think you might be so used to his behaviour you have conditioned yourself to think this is normal behaviour.