Struggling with jealousy

[khushbooo]

A very good friend went on a group tour recently. She is in a relationship and is extremely attractive (her body is like a model’s, to the point people comment). I am quite striking but petite and without the same wow factor. Men on our trip were desperate to talk to her and although I got some attention (I’m single) I did get the feeling she was enjoying her share and trying to court it. At one point she took hours getting ready, full make up etc for a jacuzzi session with some men in the group. She looked incredible and knew it, was the talk of the place; I’m single and like I said it’s impossible to compete. I feel really uncomfortable feeling this as I enjoy her company a lot.

Bump

Have you posted about this friend several times over the years. The exact description, of the friend, has occurred a few times.

If you can't move past this the friendship wont last. You need to work on your self esteem.

Speaking as a man, I'd say you need to concentrate on yourself rather than her. Sure, looks are great. And your friend is allowed to enjoy some harmless attention. But attraction - especially something meaningful - is about more than looks. Confidence is attractive. Jealousy and insecurity are not.

I'm sure you have many great qualities. Focus on those. Do the work on yourself, to be confident in your own skin, secure in who you are, and a believer in your own worth.

If you spend your time comparing yourself to others, you will never be happy. And people can tell. But if you focus on growing yourself as a person, and being the best you - that's attractive.

You must know yourself that the drop-dead gorgeous thing only lasts for a fleeting time if there's no personality to back it up. Even if she has a good personality you will have something as well. It may take men a little longer to notice your best bits if she is so in-your-face, but they will. Probably do already.

I agree with above poster, work on your best features and don't focus on hers. And negative qualities are not attractive in any way to anyone.

say what now?

What would you like her to do? Make herself less attractive?

If you can't handle being in her company in that kind of setting, perhaps you should make an excuse not to go in future.

You're spending time focusing on her, but you need to look at yourself and be happy. If you feel inferior, other people will sense your lack of confidence and stay away from you.

I know someone who is about a dress size 24, but she's full of confidence and gets noticed and attracts men, even while she's in a relationship.

When you start competing with other people you've already lost...

Can I say, being attractive is not the be all and end all of a relationship... she had to take all that trout off her face and the lucky guy she went to bed with with wake up to her in her full glory!!! (Without the make up)

I can't go out the house without make up, granted but my values, my opinions my views my personality far out way any of my licks... please please please don't be jealous of someone else's beauty because it outshines what beauty you have underneath...

You have a good friend there it sounds like... own it to her... say you're jealous of her looks, I bet she'll come back with something that she's jealous of you...

Someone also might be looking at you that way... someone who has their shit together, free and single, probably gorgeous...

The whole thing of she was gorgeous and she KNEW IT... confidence is sexy... quietly confident is even sexier because can you imagine how her boyfriend / husband would feel having all those people looking at her? And her loving it? My DH would go mad and I wouldn't put him that position... not saying she would... but I think men go for women who are girlfriend material... which is not just someone who have a great arse and a cracking pair of tits hahahaha Xx Xx

Listen... what I'm saying is... if you stood before your friends family strangers, and was who you are without insecurities... half of them would be jealous of something that you have Xx Xx so be confident in you, and your abilities, your nature and in your friendships... your amazing and you don't even need to try xxxz

Looks aren't all of it by a long way. Maybe if you actually asked her she has ways in which she envies you. Problem with us women is we would rather tear our sisters down around us because they are competition.

Heard of the "man" concept of a wingman? Men use each others strengths to get women. The funny one and the good looking one, the flamboyant one and the softie. We've all been on the end of that play. The wingman goes home with a girl too so everyone wins. Men are so much better at cooperating to get the woman they want, that's a sad inditement of us ladies!

Someone so confident in her own looks wouldn't spend hours getting ready just to go in a hot tub with men. Her relationship can't be that great if she needs the validation of other men finding her attractive to be fulfilled.

Are you attracted to any man in that group? And if so, is he interested in her and not you? If you're not attracted to any particular men then I'm not sure why you care.

"can you imagine how her boyfriend / husband would feel having all those people looking at her? And her loving it? My DH would go mad and I wouldn't put him that position"

Not every man is the same though. My wife scrubs up well and gets attention. Does it bother me? Not one jot. I regard it as a compliment.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I don't know I'd be jealous OP...is the attention of men because they want to shag you really something to feel validated over I am certainly no model but find mens 'attention' leering and unwelcome when I get it. There's no validation you need from that that's positive surely.

On a practical level, you're surely not with her her that often so does it matter? In the nicest possible way, the issue is one of self esteem, not a problem with her being excessively beautiful. She may be, but at the end of the day, that's subjective, and could have as much to do with the effort she makes or her demeanour as it does her looks. Those men leering over her in the jacuzzi are no prize, they sound grim and desperate tbh.

You're worth more than 'competing' with another woman for a bunch of opportunist blokes, and comparison is the thief of joy!