Guilt for ending a relationship.

[NickyNora]

I should have ended my 20 yr relationship years ago.

4 dc ranging from 18 down to 5.

Split with dp for 3rd time in September. He came home just before Christmas.
I knew it was wrong but felt so guilty as he has no family & few friends.

I am so unhappy, i can't stand the idea of spending the rest of my life like this. We have nothing in common. No physical relationship. Literally nothing left but i feel so guilty for making him leave.

We never married. Tenancy is in my name. I'm the main Carer of our dc.

How do i make this as easy as possible?
How do i move forward?
All advice appreciated.

Sorry for lack of paragraphs, not sure what happened!

I can't imagine it is going to be easy. I think the first thing you should do is accept that you can't make it be easy. Tell him to leave and woman up. He can't come back for any reason for your kids sake. It must be very unsettling for them.

The younger 3 dont remember the first 2 times as they were so young.

Its definitely not fair on my 18 yr old.

The guilt & stress are so overwhelming, it clouds my decision making & ability to move forward.

But i know i need to 'women up', just how to...

OP, you have to put the guilt away and do what you have to do. You have had years of conditioning taking care of him, this is not going to go away over night, it will take years after the split for the feeling to go (if it goes at all) but you cannot allow your children to grow up thinking that the non-relationship you and your partner have is the norm, that’s far more damaging than letting their dad go.

I agree that there is no way to make it easier, just accept it will hurt for a while and eventually you all will feel better than how you feel today. It is just going past the shock of the split and the mourning of the routines that is most difficult, for me that lasted about 9-12 months. After that... it was as if the sun had come out.

You really can't make this easier for him - except to remain civil and have as amicable a co-parenting, non-cohabiting relationship as possible. That and time will, eventually, help - and perhaps you being more relaxed and possibly happier/making a less strained atmosphere at home may help.

He also needs to take charge for his own happiness at some stage - this will be hard on you both but you are both adults who need to negotiate on how to manage the new relationship between yourself and your children going forward. Good luck OP.

Op I hope you don't think I'm being flippant, that's not my intention, my point is just that I think all you can do is tell him it's over and stick to it there isn't really a "how to" just a "have to".