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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End of engagement

12 replies

Cocoabean25 · 17/03/2019 00:21

Hello everyone,

My (now ex) fiancé and I ended our relationship yesterday. It was a difficult decision and although I feel like it was the correct one, I was still missing him and feeling upset. The last few months have been difficult - he is quite emotionally unstable and would say a hurtful thing one minute then a couple of hours later would realise he said it in the wrong way and would apologise, and this was having a couple of times each week. I have also found him unsupportive whilst I have been feeling stressed with a massive work load at work and uni and then just finding out that maybe we aren’t as compatible as I first thought. After a week of having some space I decided it was the best decision to end things. He was very upset and begged and pleaded with me to stay with him, promising that he would stop playing with my mind with his up and down emotions. He has made these promises before and after all the hurt I do not trust him anymore and feel like we can’t stay together. We spoke on the phone this evening to discuss cancelling the wedding plans and he again pleaded with me to reconsider and at least think about staying together. However, half an hour after that phone call ended he said he’s decided that actually we don’t work and he doesn’t want me anymore, thinks I have no understanding of him and that I should be supportive of him and as I’m not then he doesn’t want to be with me (he also mentioned he wants a dog and I don’t and it’s not something he’s willing to compromise on). I am feeling very hurt and confused right now. I still have feelings for him and care about him and tried to end the relationship in the kindest way I could but he was very hurtful and blunt with his sudden change of mind. I have no also seen that he has blocked me on Facebook and I feel so hurt that he has suddenly changed. I have tried to support him the whole way through our relationship and have given so much to him emotionally but feel like after his sudden realisation just 30 minutes after asking me to reconsider he has shoved me aside and shown no thought or consideration for my feelings. It confirms his emotional instability but it still hurts so much that he could act in such an irrational way over this. Feels like a huge slap in the face

OP posts:
Frenchmontana · 17/03/2019 00:45

I am sorry you are hurting. But no contact is probably best in the long run? Just keep reminding yourself it's the right thing for you.

Do you have any legal stuff to sort out?

Flowers
SandyY2K · 17/03/2019 00:48

Life with him would be a misery and start to affect your mental health. Its best over and no contact.

Singlenotsingle · 17/03/2019 00:55

He's been hurt and just wants to lash out. You don't have to feel so bad now. It was obviously the right decision.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 17/03/2019 01:10

I think he’s still playing with your mind, saying this to get you to come back to him. Stay strong Flowers

Cocoabean25 · 17/03/2019 11:22

Thanks everyone. He has sent me a text this morning apologising and asking for another chance again!

OP posts:
Ninkaninus · 17/03/2019 11:27

Don’t do it.

It isn’t working, it isn’t right.

You have to stay strong and let the pain wash over you.

It will pass.

OddCat · 17/03/2019 11:31

I'm torn between giving him a bit of slack because he's hurt and saying he's showing his true colours.

Block and move on Op Flowers

CoparentFail · 17/03/2019 11:35

Cocoabean, I could have written your post a decade ago. I have a post of my own on here. Seriously, have a look at it, that was your future with this guy. I wish to God I had left when I had my own red flag moment, early on, instead of being the good girl, forgiving and supporting him.

He hasn't changed, this is who he always was, but, as time goes on, it gets harder for them to keep holding up that mask of "niceness", and the true face shows. Its shocking to see, but that's the true face. Hes still playing with your head - and right after he said he would stop! Imagine that. Hmm

Run. Run some more. Don't look back. Don't be me (or the thousands upon thousands of other women on MN who stayed and suffered). No kids, no house, not married? You're free now, Cocoa.

RUN!

MumsyJ · 17/03/2019 11:37

Gosh no OP don't listen to him. You clearly stated he played with your mind, that shouldn't be the case in relationship.

Let him go sort his shit out. You're best off without him. Someone like him would make you miserable throughout the marriage. Look after yourself Flowers and stay strong.

SonataDentata · 17/03/2019 12:01

You’ve had a lucky escape. I don’t regret breaking up with a single ex because none of them were right for me. You will grieve the end of the relationship, eventually heal and move on with your life.

Cocoabean25 · 17/03/2019 22:49

CoparentFail I can’t find your post to read. What is it titled as?

I’m still hurting but I think that’s because I keep of how our relationship used to be. He’s used to be so lovely but I suppose this is his true colours now

OP posts:
ToEarlyForDecorations · 17/03/2019 23:00

Allow yourself some grieving time for a relationship that ended.

Allow yourself some time to come to terms with the fact that you fell for the nice act/nice guy.

'Promised to stop messing with my head' um, so he knew he was doing it and did it on purpose. Lucky escape IMO.

The 'landscape' of your life feels different now because he's not there. You will shortly be glad of the space. Just think. No more mind games.

I'm not keen on any promises to change, personally. To me, that's just confirmation that they are doing it in the first place.

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