Men communication?

[smithloves]

I'm looking for mumsnet wisdom. I have a gorgeous new partner but I am struggling to understand him. For work reasons we can only see each other about once a week but when we do everything is amazing. After seeing him he always texts lovely messages for the next day or so then they stop and become more mundane and infrequent. If I text nice messages back he will reply with something bland. This same pattern has happened every week for 2 months. What's going on?

It's very difficult to say as it's very individual. What's the situation with him? Casually dating? Exclusive? Boyfriend/ girlfriend?
Do you talk on the phone?

Texting can become a bit mundane unless the conversation is flowing naturally so maybe just get on with doing your own thing and don't try to force the texting if everything else is going well. Give him chance to miss you a bit

Sadly it sounds like a case of “Out of sight, out of mind”.

I’m not one for game playing but there is a time to take a step back and just let him come to you. If he doesn’t, you have your answer. If he does, you will have increased your ‘value’ to him by being less available. It’s shit, and I hate to pander to sexist stereotypes, but it does seem that sadly most men prefer women who don’t want them as much as they want the woman. Frustrating but experience has shown it to be true.

wishy thanks - it's fairly casual at the moment - I'm hoping it will develop

Raging thanks - I will do that - I suppose I'm always scared that by not contacting him that will increase the out of sight out of mind

I suppose I'm always scared that by not contacting him that will increase the out of sight out of mind.

In which case, he’s not the one for you, so you can release him back into the wild and find one who is crazy about you!

Know your worth, you deserve someone who is keen to spend time with you and thinks about you when you’re not with him and wants to let you know that.

Sure, there are couples who don’t bother to text etc but when you’re first building a relationship, you need someone who is on the same page as you and these days that usually means they have their phone in their hand whenever they’re not at work! It’s not too much to expect a message once in a while and a decent reply to yours.

The fact that your time together is already limited, some contact in between times is important to you. If he does contact you then maybe have a chat about your expectations and ask him about his, no pressure but just trying to see if you can match up.

Thing is, if he feels the same as you he won't just forget you exist because you're only seeing each other once a week. If he does then why the hell would you want to be with him? You can't force someone to feel what you're feeling by trying to force conversation, so let it happen naturally. If it does then great, if not then he's not the man for you.
When me and my bf got together we could only see each other once or twice a week at most. We're both busy people (me probably more so!) but I never questioned his interest in me. He got the right balance of not being a pain in the arse, while letting me know I was on his mind and making me feel like a priority. We've been together 8 months now and that's not changed since day 1. It's always been easy with him, no games, no anxiety over should I/ shouldn't I text or call etc.
Take a step back and relax a bit, if it's going to happen it will happen