I'm not quite sure what to do anymore.. i want to save my marriage, but i'm so tired and fed up of the arguing, of feeling like i'm going around in circles and nothing i say matters to him anymore. I feel like i'm hitting my head against a brick wall because i think somethingd sorted and then an hour or so later we're arguing over the same thing again.
I'm sick of being shouted at, i'm sick of being made to feel stupid and lazy, i'm sick of him telling he loves me one minute then being an asshole the next.
I'm sick of my parents not supporting me, of insisting i stick this out because they "dont want to go down this path". I'm sick of them making me feel like my brother and his problems are more important than mine, i'm sick of them jumping to help him everytime he asks for help while i'm expected just to deal with it.
I'm tired of having to defend myself against his bad temper and his vicious mouth, i'm fed up of him not understanding that he's not the only one who needs a rest, needs time to himself to get away.. i'm sick of every little thing he does for me being thrown back at me in an arguement.
What do i have to do to feel like he respects me? What do i have to say to make him understand he's making me feel like i'm a child, not his wife.. where does he get off making me feel like i have to ask his permission to change my job?
I don't know what to do.
We had a stupid argument today over something very petty, and it developed into quite a nasty row, that ended in him telling me i was an ungrateful bitch and he's never doing anything for me ever again. I was going to leave, i'd had enough of his shit and his shouting and his insistance that he does everything while i sit on my arse allday.. yeah, i have a 10month old baby, so of course i sit around doing nothing 24/7.
I phoned my mom and dad to get them to come and help me pack my stuff so i could go stay with them for a few days.. they wouldn't let me and Dad insisted i hand DH the phone, so i did.
He comes downstairs and we talk it out, the same old shit, how i sit around doing nothing and dont clean the house and expect him to work a full time job and do things around the house, how i make him feel unloved because i dont appreciate being groped and fondled every time he comes near me, that i dont want sex everytime he does. Yeah.. it was all about him and how hard done by he is and how shit his life is because works crap and he's fed up of being stuck in all the time when he needs to go out and let off steam, but doesn't feel like he can because i dont ever go out and it makes him feel guilty.
I'm SICK of it being about HIM and HIS woes all the time.. i tried putting my point of view across and he just went on the defensive every single time, so while things calmed down, nothing was really solved.
Then he gets all huggy and goes back to groping me every second he can get a hand on me while we're trying to just have a cuddle while the baby sleeps.
All ok? Yeah, in my freaking dreams.
As soon as we get back up he starts on about how he always cooks dinner and i point out he's only cooked 3 times in the last week (including lunch on sunday) and i've done it the rest of the time.. but of course he turns it back into another row.
I SICK of it, i'm angry, upset and fed up and i dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to give up on this marriage, but i'm not sure i want to live with him being a complete asshole any longer.