Advice please

[sheknowsshesachocolategirl]

My DP has just lost his temper with our DS (13). He was shouting in his face, really aggressive. I had to pull him away. DS was shouting back.
He has a bit of history of this, but never this bad before. He is under a lot of pressure at the moment and is very stressed (has seen the doctor).
He admits he lost control and was in the wrong, however he still blames DS for pushing him to the limit.
I feel sick. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

You need to remove your dp from the situation until he can understand that is behaviour was wrong. Nothing a 13 yo does justifies that response.

Show your Ds you will protect him.

Ask him what the hell he was doing shouting in your sons face maybe a start

Tbh I have lost it with my own teenagers before .
They just know exactly what buttons to press .

If it was a younger child then I would feel differently but teenagers can be so challenging.

My exh smashed up our home when I apparently pushed him to the limit..
Your dp is an abusive twat.
And it's your responsibility as his dm to remove either dp or yourselves from that address.

Thanks, when I say this just happened I mean a couple of hours ago. DP has now gone out (I was going to go out with the DC, he has gone instead.)
I do want to protect my DS, I did protect him, but I don't know where to go from here.

Letsdolunch, thanks, very helpful.

I feel going into the garden and leaving his stuff in it would be a good option op...

I think you need to sit down without dc and have a chat with your partner when he is calm. Tell him you cannot allow that behaviour around your son and that if he can not control himself you'll need to separate since your child is just a child and nothing should warrant behaviour like that from your partner. Also speak to your son and tell him that was the wrong way to behave for both himself and your partner. Make partner apologise to son first. That's my opinion!

Stress is no excuse for bullying a child, OP.

I think a short sharp "next time you behave like that, your bags will be outside along with your sorry arse" would suffice. He crossed a line - once is just about forgivable, twice would not be. And he needs to know you're serious. And he needs to sort his stress out..... why should the rest of you being suffering.

Thank you to the last two posters, that sounds sensible. I feel I can't see the wood from the trees to be honest.

I think it's worth taking yourself away to calm down first so it doesn't end in a nasty fight but make sure you write down exactly what you want to say and how you feel otherwise the immediate reactions may be lost. Just remember your son is a child and is more important and if partner has a history of this he needs to decide what is more important for him - his life with you which would mean fixing his behaviour, or his unwillingness to change (assuming that is an issue). Good luck!

Thank you CeCe. He's back now but I don't really want to talk to him just yet. Writing things down is a good idea. He is receptive to change, but how able he is to change I just don't know. This is all so far removed from my childhood, sadly it was pretty much the norm for him, but I won't let it be the norm for my DC.