Can we get past this?

[marigold34]

Some of you may have read my previous thread about me having a car accident in my driveway, causing some damage to my home (crack on brickwork) and then the insurance company not paying out so although I am appealing it we may have to pay for the damage repair out of our savings. I am doing my best to get the claim overturned and I'm confident we have a case for appeal due to the wording on the policy ect but that's just background info.
The last few weeks I've been really stressed out about this, I'm not sleeping and can't eat properly as I feel awful about what happened but I've kept going. Everyone keeps telling me I'm lucky we're all ok which I'm grateful for as my toddler and newborn were also in the car.
Today I spoke to my husband about where we're at as I wanted his opinion. I haven't asked for his help at all as he's busy in work and have dealt with everything myself but I wanted his input as it is our home. He didn't engage in the conversation with me and when I said I really feel on my own over this we're married but I just feel alone he was like well you caused this not me. He then said he can't talk to me about it cos he gets so angry with me and now the insurance won't pay out he's even more annoyed.
We're meant to be heading out tonight for a meal and I just don't want to go. He clearly harbors a lot of resentment towards me and I'm not sure we can get past this but I don't feel I can play happy families with someone who resents me.

I don’t know the details but it sounds like a massive over reaction on your behalf

I could understand if it was a serious accident that almost left you/your kids badly injured but you literally cracked the brick work... that is all. Unless you hit it at 50 mph I don’t get the big deal?

Move on. If the company won’t pay out, pay it yourself.
Why have you stopped sleeping and eating over this?? I’m truly sorry if I’ve missed something here, but I don’t get the big deal? You’re fine, your kids are absolutely fine, I’m assuming you weren’t driving fast. It’s a bit of brick work damage. Perhaps your husband is just over it being a big deal ?

Are you in the UK? If we are in the same time zone surely there’s enough time to have a proper discussion about the resentment between you. Sounds like it goes both ways.

I didn’t see your other thread but I would say if everyone ok there isn’t anything to lose sleep over esp if you’ve savings to cover the work that needs doing.

If I think my DH is stressing unduly, I find that, rather than dismissing his views, choosing to not engage in endless conversation over the matter is a better way to avoid an unnecessary angry exchange. I don’t resent him, I just don’t feel my contribution to the discussion will achieve anything positive.

@KennyCalmIt no he told me he's angry at me.
It will cost us thousands to get it back the way it was as whilst I cracked the brick it something has shifted in the house as our front door is not aligning properly and our radiator cabinet had moved 6 inches across the floor.

How is your relationship generally?

If this has caused a rift maybe it’s a symptom of underlying issues?

I always felt our relationship was good we have the usually squabbles over housework, kids ect. My biggest issue with him would be he doesn't communicate how he feels enough and then it builds up and up into a bigger issue whereas I say it as it is.
When I tell him if he's not happy about something he should say it but then he goes it's not worth the drama. I knew he was annoyed over the house when it happened as we had a major fight the night it happened but the next day he was really nice to me so I figured he was just shocked and upset the night before and had realized it was only a house.

He isn’t perfect though. I’m sure he’s made a mistake in his life it’s not as if you purposely did this

Tell him to grow up. Tell him to communicate properly but staying angry with you isn’t gunna change a single thing. It’s done now...

Hmm trying to look at it from his point of view, I think I would be annoyed if do caused thousands of pounds worth of damage to the house. Whether it was a mistake or not.

If he was stressed and not sleeping and constantly on edge because of it I would try to help, but I would probably feel resentful again. That I was having to deal with them acting like this while there was enough stress.

I also recognise it's not that fair, but I would be annoyed.

On reflection, I think it's just a stressful time for both of you. Both stressed and you feel he isnt being supportive, he think you are making things worse and it started as your fault.

I think if you put yourself in his shoes you would be annoyed too. I’m sure you’ve apologied and I’m sure he’s said he’s forgiven you but it takes a while to move on, particularly if that house is all messed up now and things won’t align

Money OP. It was an accident. I doubt you did it on purpose, I’m presuming you weren’t pissed. These things happen. It’s proper shitty, stressful to deal with, and yes, it’s a nightmare money wise. But I do think your dh is BU. Everyone makes mistakes and your dh should be helping you. I get his ‘pissed off’, but you didn’t do it on purpose...