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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He has a girlfriend but won't stop messaging me.

30 replies

TeaCakesRus · 16/03/2019 11:09

I met this guy whilst on a recent placement. I wasn't instantly attracted to him. He is 8 years younger than me and he spoke about his girlfriend so at first he was friendly. He was quite flirtatious but like it with alot of women. He would talk about how him and his girlfriend didn't see much of eachother bla bla bla. He asked alot about my relationship status, telling me I need a man and how beautiful I am. He would then say something sarcastic about my age. This became a regular thing compliment along with sarcastic criticism. I didn't think anything of it. He then requested me on snap chat. He would send silly snaps and we chatted a little about uni (in the same uni).
I'm going to get a grilling for this - but he would ask questions like if I would go out with him if he was single. How much he liked my company and how he thought I was beautiful. Then he went quiet. Then it appeared him and his girlfriend had fallen out so he was back texting me. I kept replying. Yes, because I'm stupid. In my head I was thinking what are you doing and I told him this is ridiculous. I feel like I'm here to stroke your ego. He was not happy and told me he was just being kind to me and I have turned it into more, I have a girlfriend. I felt so embarrassed. I had to work with him. He then would keep flirting. It was like I allowed him to continue because if I didn't respond he would ask why I was being mean. I also didn't want to feel uncomfortable at work. I kept saying let's be friends and it's best we don't text anymore as I feel it's all gone a bit too far. He then said is that all you want, I'm attracted to you. Again asking what I thought of him. He then said he would be sad if he couldn't talk to me anymore.
I deleted him off snap chat. He has now been messaging on Facebook. Telling me I am mean and he has done nothing wrong, he has a girlfriend. I feel absolutely ridiculous and like I have started this by responding to all his messages.

OP posts:
Whereareyouspot · 16/03/2019 11:10

Oh fgs you sound like a teenager
Snap chat and games

Grow up
Block him
Have a word with yourself and

Move on

Chattycatty · 16/03/2019 11:12

Tell him he’s boring you and you can’t be bothered with his dull messages.

Luckingfovely · 16/03/2019 11:13

Oh grow up, block him on everything, and move on. Do you really need that explained?

IM0GEN · 16/03/2019 11:13

Im suprised to read that you are at uni because you sound 14.

Do what whereareyouspot said.

HuckfromScandal · 16/03/2019 11:14

Block him
Or
Enjoy the “attention”

Up to you
But you might want to consider growing up.

NameChangeNugget · 16/03/2019 11:14

You’re being pathetic.

Block him

NotTheFordType · 16/03/2019 11:14

Oh god he sounds like an utter tosspot.

Do you still have to have contact with him in work or are you free of him now?

Runkle · 16/03/2019 11:14

Ignore. Get a hobby. Grow up

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/03/2019 11:14

Just block him. It’s that simple.

SenoritaViva · 16/03/2019 11:17

Oh for goodness sake. Who cares if he says you’re mean? Just say to him this is professional only. Block and remain professional, it isn’t hard!

TowelNumber42 · 16/03/2019 11:19

Block him.

Next time a man uses "negging" on you, back away quickly.

You feel you started it. Meh. Who cares. You can still finish it.

He says you are mean and wrong. OK. Bye.

He is sad. OK. Bye.

You blocked him and he ignored your boundary. Cock. Block more.

Redorangeyellowgreen · 16/03/2019 11:19

I used to attract men like this when I was younger, this has happened to me loads.

The only surefire way to stop it once it gets to this stage is just to delete and block him on everything.

If you find it happening again in future, the trick is to freeze them out at an earlier stage. Don't ask them any questions, don't give too much information, don't answer for several hours or days. They soon get bored and move onto someone else.

TowelNumber42 · 16/03/2019 11:20

He is the one making you uncomfortable at work. Tell him if he doesn't back off you'll complain to his girlfriend and to HR.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 16/03/2019 11:20

Your boundaries are so shit. Why would you be influenced by anything a man like him has to say?

woodcutbirds · 16/03/2019 11:24

Explain you are not being mean and you are bemused that he minds, since he is so happy with his girlfriend, but you are deleting him because he keeps pestering you with unsolicited messages and you don;t want them. He sounds like he's learned some rubbish about how to neg women to get them keen and you've half fallen for it.

KennyCalmIt · 16/03/2019 14:13

Didn’t even bother reading your post

If you don’t want him messaging you then block him

There we go. Problem solved

SandyY2K · 16/03/2019 14:21

This sounds so childish. Block, delete and do not engage with him.

ALannisterInDebt · 16/03/2019 17:31

Tell him you're seeing someone now and don't feel it appropriate to text him anymore, get him off your back by saying you enjoyed your chats but are now moving on. And then block him.

You need to read up about 'negging' which is exactly what he has been doing and you've been responding exactly as he wanted. Only arseholes do this, when you recognise it fir what it is it's a real 'lightbulb moment'

SenoritaViva · 16/03/2019 18:03

‘Tell him you’re seeing soneone’, why lie? Why not say, what you perceive as mean I perceive as ensuring I have good friends. You like to play mind games and treat your girlfriend like shit. Neither of these qualities are ones I respect in people so does not qualify you as a friend, boyfriend or quick shag. Goodbye (and good riddance).

Orange6904 · 16/03/2019 19:58

You didn't have to do or say anything. Just block and get on with the placement. He will be 'mean' to me? What do you mean?

Middersweekly · 16/03/2019 21:03

He’s blowing hot and cold thinking it will keep you interested and on your toes. Tell him you’re not interested in chatting to little boys and block him. He sounds like a right dicktard!

Orange6904 · 16/03/2019 21:22

By the way the calling you mean is turning it around on you because he's worried about what you will say about him when you (finally) mentioned his girlfriend. Be careful with stuff like this, you could get an angry girlfriend asking why 'you' came onto him or you could end up with a mess at work. Repeat after me 'don't ever shit where you eat and stay away from unavailable men' and life will be ok.

Starlight456 · 16/03/2019 21:31

Yes. block on fb.

Is he senior to you on placement.

Simply ignore on any social media . Placement ignore friendly chat . I am here to learn .....

I am not sure why everyone has to be so rude as to say grow up as op is at uni probably is quite young and doesn’t know how to handle the situation

pissedonatrain · 16/03/2019 21:34

Ignore, block on all social media, phone. don't give out social media, phone details to tosspots.

Catmint · 16/03/2019 21:44

Don't let him mess with your head or erode your self esteem. No more messages.