I need to get out

[Desparateme19]

Long, sorry

I'll explain the background...
With DH 9yrs, he has always liked a drink - was a minor issue in early days... Turned into a slightly bigger one then... I wasn't happy about it, or the lack of interest in me or a sex life tbh.
We got married 4yrs ago and I wasn't happy even at that time... His drinking was a bit issue for Mr, but we have a child so, I thought I could get through it -wrong.
A few weeks after we got married, I get v v drunk and slept with someone else (I know, please don't flame me)
And from there things have got so bad. He is in complete denial...
He drinks every day, does nothing at home, has quit work, and is passive aggressive... Brings that night up when he feels like it if we have a row about anything, denies any of his faults.
He insists there is no problem... He wets the bed most nights and rarely showers, or changes his clothes.
If we have a row he uses the kids against me "who will look after them if I leave" "find someone else to pick up son (not his DC)"
"I'm not leaving without my dc (one is his)"
And "it's my house I'm not leaving" yes it is but I paid every cent for it.

It's all just such a mess, I sleep with one of the dc every night as I don't have a bed, he has it destroyed in piss, and I can't afford to do our spare room for myself...

I can't do this anymore

Yes you need to get out.

Thank you. I've never told anyone all this. Too embarrassed
If we row, he says oh I'll tell my parents what you did so... I don't give a fuck who he tells, I can't take anymore. But don't know how, if he won't leave... I put everything into the house so have nothing left and am paying it off so... It's a mess

Yes absolutely you need to make plans to leave asap good luck

Is your name on the Deeds? On the mortgage?

You're married, so if you divorce you get half, and often a bit more depending upon childcare. I assume you're primary carer?

Phone Women's Aid for support and advice. You need at least them in rl. I would tell allmy friends and family the truth of what he's like to live with.

See a solicitor to inform yourself.

Get your ducks in a row, and when you're ready kick hm out (or leave - but honestly, you're likely to be awarded the house as you look after the childen).

He looks after them as I work full time and wasn't paying for child care with him at home. My name isn't on the deeds 😟
I'm going to get as much info as I can, get ducks in a row and go from there. Can hardly look at him

It doesn't matter that your name isn't on the Deeds. The house is an asset of the marriage and belongs to both of you.