Struggling

[Sjames2408]

So it’s 4 weeks since I found out about my husband cheating in a really humiliating nasty way. I’ve gone through so many different emotions. Last week, I felt more in control like I was beginning to get my life back in order and feeling hopeful that I’d get through all of this. This week, I’ve just felt very much longing for my old life and the feeling of not wanting to deal with any of this. My husband and I are over and I’d never want to be with him again, but I just feel so lost and so disappointed as I felt like I was beginning to turn a corner last week.

Also rising above his d**ckhead behaviour and behaving civil was making me feel good. However, I feel like it’s making him think what he did wasnt that bag and I’m over it. He has started his moaning and poor me poor me, he’s feeling ill, he’s got no money, how was he going start over as he had no money after paying child maintenance blah blah blah. Why would I care? He also thought it was ok to sit in my bed with the two kids to watch tv the other night which totally enraged me that he thought that was ok.

I feel like I just want to bury my head in the sand and not deal with this anymore. I wish I could click my fingers and just not care but after over a decade together and 2 children means it’s not going be that easy. Any tips how to just get on?

It's going to take time. I know it's cliché, but it's true.

Nothing can prepare you for when your life evaporates in a moment. Your hopes, dreams, plans, aspirations and expectations... Vapour.

I quickly got over my (now) XW. It took a matter of weeks, albeit a bit of bitterness remained for a while. What took me much longer to come to terms with, is the family unit I lost. That took a good 6 months plus. I'm quick to adapt to change and new challenges, so I consider myself at the short end of what most would require.

I'm a man, so I may be slightly skewed here, but I believe we're all the same really. But, once you have the important stuff settled, like kids, income, place to live, and a bit of a routine... Go have a one night stand, FB, FWB... Because it will boost your self esteem no end. Only when you're ready though, just don't go full nun mode, as it's easy to hide after being hurt by selfish twats.

No don’t have a one night stand. It won’t boost your self esteem. It will be one more bloke to encounter who is thinking of his dick first. That is not what you need!

It sounds difficult OP and wanting what's familiar rather than venturing into the unknown is understandable. Afterall at least you KNOW what you'll get if you stay with DH even if that's less than you deserve, it's known. I think you need some time apart to be able to think clearly, having him in the same home can't be helpful in allowing you to make that decision. I guess he will resist that which will be telling in itself as he doesn't want you to see you can stand on your own two feet and be ok without him there. His watching tv with the kids in your bed is downright disrespectful and shows he doesn't respect your decision to no longer be together

Thanks for your replies. One night stands are not for me, to be honest at this point i don’t want any future relationships. I realise it’s quite early days, but I’ve only been single for 1 year of my adult life so feel like I need to try and do things by myself for a good while anyway.

@minorchef I’m glad you agree it’s disrespectful that he thought it was ok to sit on my bed with the kids. I am beginning to question myself if I’m being to sensitive, unreasonable etc. He has been living out of our home for a while, we had separated before the cheating came out, separated as he “didn’t feel the same anymore” lying sh*t. He has been living with his parents which is 50 mins or so away so he has to be in the house to help with nursery pick up. If we didn’t have children I would have completely blocked him out of my Life. I think it is having around doing normal stuff is making me long for my old life, not longing for him just my old life and kids old life. He did nag me but we didn’t fight etc, the kids had a great life and we did family things together. It makes me sad I can’t even take the kids swimming by myself and thinking about holidays, I could do it myself but they are both little and need both of us really. It just makes me so sad, as much as I’m trying to keep everything normal for them, I can’t.