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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can I get her back?

12 replies

IFLY70 · 14/03/2019 23:34

I broke up with my girlfriend because of her continuous spinning resulting from my selfish actions with other women. After a bad divorce I felt like I was falling through life with no safety net and treated her very badly and I hurt her deeply. She has since had my baby and I have found it difficult watching my family from afar. I am amazed by how soft and melty she has become since becoming a mom. I’ve taken some time out to assess what I want out of life and how I really feel and I know that I love her deeply, pure unselfish love. She is wicked smart, fiercely determined, beautiful, funny, courageous and kind. The other woman is nothing to me now and I plan to prove this by getting an injunction. I’ve finally found my honor and I no longer have a romanticized vision of what life should be. I have made some foolish choices and have been that man that has stayed behind with the machine gun too many times to recall. I thought that peace and distance was the sustainable way forward for me but I miss her and just want her back. I want the family we always talked of. I have articulated a vision over and over again but just haven’t been able to get it over the finish line but I have changed and want one final chance to prove I’m the man she wants. I’m her safety. I want to be a father to our baby. She has agreed to me having access but on a supervised basis only so I was hoping she would be the supervisor and that would be a good way of us to spend some time together. How do I prove to her that I can make her feel happy, secure and fulfilled? She has shown me such vulnerability over the last few weeks and I’ve fallen in love with her all over again and I’m certain this can work. But how do you prove trust? I’ve offered to give her every one of my passwords and have access to my life but is this enough? What more can I do? I want a normal relationship capital “R” with her and need to find a way back. I think we’ve both evolved as people and I am back on my feet in a way that I wasn’t before and I know that I am fully capable of creating loyalty, safety and stability but it’s just convincing her. She told me she doesn’t love me anymore but she’s full of beans, I see it in her eyes and I know that more than anything she wants a family with me. So how do I show her I’m all in because my words, flowers and morning shower coffee aren’t cutting the mustard?

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OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/03/2019 23:42

Oh god dude, leave her alone. You’ve cheated on her, you sound incredibly self obsessed. She’ll never see you as her “safely” after what you’ve done. If she’s wicked smart and has been open about not loving you or wanting you. She needs to be focussing on her baby. She’s putting her life back together after you shat all over it from a great height. Agree to supervised contact with whomever she feels safe. What’s this injunction business? I don’t think your ex needs or would welcome that sort of drama in her life...

I especially don’t like the way that despite her saying she doesn’t want you you seem convinced you know better. That’s weird and creepy.

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/03/2019 23:48

Oh dear! What a load of self-indulgent bollocks.

mrsdavys · 14/03/2019 23:49

Your post seems really creepy and egotistical to put it bluntly.
Leave her be and focus on being a good father to your child. She doesn’t need you but your child does. She’ll respect you more for that than anything and if things progress naturally and with ease then go for it but don’t try and win her back after you ruined things

2019willbegreat · 15/03/2019 00:06

What the heck is happening on here tonight....so many weird threads. Is it a full moon??

Singlenotsingle · 15/03/2019 00:11

She doesn't want you OP. You burnt your boat when you betrayed her. Draw a line and move on; you sound a bit stalkerish

HeddaGarbled · 15/03/2019 00:16

Stayed behind with the machine gun too many times to recall 😃

Drogosnextwife · 15/03/2019 00:16

Well you sound like a complete narcissist. Leave the woman alone, if she doesn't want you, don't go around asking for tips on how to make her want you.

Samind · 15/03/2019 00:16

Yeah I don't buy it either. Foresight is better than hindsight OP.

pinkgloves · 15/03/2019 00:16

Do her a favour and bugger off you self obsessed twit.

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2019 00:18

You can’t. Move on.

RaspberryKisses · 15/03/2019 00:20

I'm sorry OP but to be blunt you sound like an egotistical prick! The best thing you can do is leave your ex alone! (You unfortunately DONT know her better than she does) and if she has stated she doesn't want you back then ding ding ding she doesn't... be a fucking man and suck it up and respect that! and concentrate all your efforts on prioritising that of being a good father not a stalker!

Graphista · 15/03/2019 00:29

So that sounds like there was cheating, violence, aggression, control...by you.

LEAVE HER ALONE

The priority is the child.

Pay child maintenance (the csa amount is the MINIMUM) you should be paying), make an effort to be a good father, learn about child development (I would suggest including the effects of witnessing abuse), go on parenting courses, LISTEN when she's telling you information about the baby (routine, feeding info etc is very important) DON'T kick off if things don't go your way.

In short GROW UP!

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