ExDp and I have been seprated now for 8 months, was previously living together with our 3 DC from past relationships, 15, 8, 7 contact at first was regular due to us remaining close as 2 of the DCs attend the same school and have shared lesuire activities.
However over the last 2 months I was practically ghosted, our conversations became brief one word texts, and there was little contact other than the odd awkward 'hi' in the school yard.
That's up until two weeks ago, when i recieved a messages from him asking how i was, and further questions asking how DCs were, which quickly led to 'I miss you' however I cut the conversation brief. I then recieved more mundane messages on the saturday/sunday asking about plans i had for the weekend and week ahead.
However last monday the DCs share football sessions together so we saw eachother and he this time approached me and had a friendly chat. Afterwards I recieved a text asking if myself and DC needed a ride to the competition at the weekend and later a message saying 'you looked great' and after talk about the comp it followed with a message 'i love you' in which i didnt reply to as i was shocked he had said it as this was the first and only time since we split.
we then saw eachother last thursday at karate lesson again which both boys attend in which he offered to drop us home afterwards, on reaching my house DC jumped out of the car and to my surprise my ExP leaned in for a hug then kissed me. I was shocked however (I kissed him back) and it was passionate and lasted quite long, i got out the car and recieved more messages saying how he didnt regret it and that he missed me, etc.
A few messages were exchanged in the days following. But now it has reverted back to what was normal.
Now I'm left feeling confused?
Me and my ExP discussed many times after out split the reasons for splitting and made the decision to break up our family. We both struggled but it was primarily him who didnt think it could work and didnt want to try. And i had got to a point where i had accepted that, I wasn't over it by any means but it certainly didn't hurt as much. I was ok with the little contact.
But now after #kissgate I feel like I'm right back where I began only worse, I miss him even more and find myself wanting him to message me and I keep replaying the kiss over and over. I'm now doubting the split. I feel like an idiot to have allowed myself to be in the position to feel like this again as he has ckearly stated on past occasions the relationship does not work or make him happy and i dont know what to do? As i still have to see him and now I'm feeling more vulnerable and awkward. I even found myself picking the right outfit to drop off DC at karate tonight however we didjt cross paths.
Any advice mumsnetters?