I've posted here before about my marriage. Long marriage, large family. H financially and emotionally abusive in the past and was physicaly abusive once.
I've become much more assertive, told family and things are starting to change. But I don't know if they really have. This is a long post so apologies.
So, I work part time and completing a course after which I will be a professional in my field; higher earning potential etc. We claim certain benefits because H earnings are low and we have an LO with disability. Previous to this we both worked and claimed. Bear in mind he hasn't fully contributed to family outgoings. His earnings are mostly spent on his family back home or other 'business' expenses. I feel anything he has spent on our family doesn't really count because he then uses the money I earn and benefits we get for other non family related expenses, like the ones I just mentioned. Previously I didn't really pull him up on this and if I was I was shut down by a barrage of abuse that I just went along with the status quo.
Recently he's started a business and has spent all his assets on this; money he has earned and kept aside plus some from the account into which my money and benifits go into.
He now claims he cannot run the business on his own as it is affecting his health (he has heart problems) and he has employed someone else to take on about 70% of the work. He wants to continue to save for the next few months and start another business venture which he says will be less stressful (i disagree).
AIBU to be fed up? This has been going on for years. I have been supportive of him as has he with me doing my course. But I really have had enough.
I have told him that he is not contributing to the family and he needs to start to do this now. That I can no longer support him indefinitly with his projects. That we should be spending family money on just the family: bills, food, clothes kids, LO with disability and her needs and outings which involve them such as.occassional outings and holidays, if any money left. He thinks outings and yearly holidays are frivolous and we shouldnt be spending on these things. My argument; you shouldn't be spending on anything else other than family. Honestly, if any of his ventures were successful or if it benefited us in anyway I would happily continue to support him. The only way round this was to seperate our finances. The family money be used for everything and uf any money left for luxuries. He keeps his money seperate for anything he wants to do.
But it's not working. He continually tells us off for using family money for anything other than the basics and then uses the money for his 'business' ideas.
I feel lost and dejected by his behaviour. Idont earn much currently and the benifits aren't a lot plus we have multiple dcs. But I've learnt to budget really well. kids hand me downs, cook from scratch basically keeping costs down so that we can have the occassional luxury. But it becomes really demoralising when all my hard work counts for nothing when he tells us off and constantly withdraws money.