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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex gf question

21 replies

Tinytimtim01 · 14/03/2019 10:50

Me and my ex broke up a month ago. It was mutual but it was clear she wanted out for a while. I still love her and I told her that when we broke, I have also asked to try again (only once) to which she declined. After that I tried to carry on and get on with life. She has messaged me twice since. Once when she found out I had a new position at work. She sent me a congratulations and wanted to know when and where etc. Then after that she disappeared again.
I didn't mention our relationship and tried to remain upbeat.
Then another time she messaged me, I put up a status about having a bad day and she messaged me asking if I was ok. Again I replied back and remained upbeat and didn't mention our relationship. I messaged her back and she deliberately ignored it until a day later she read it and ignored?
Everytime this happens my emotions resurface. I really do appreciate her contacting but I don't know why especially when to then just ignore me.
I don't intend on contacting her again as I think she's mad enough it clear she doesn't want to talk?

OP posts:

SMW3103 · 14/03/2019 10:58

Block her. She's keeping you on the hook which I personally feel is quite emotionally abusive. Likely she is contacting you more as some form of self esteem boost, in the hope that you seem super keen on her still.

A month is no time at all, and by twice making contact with you, she is stopping you from having any potential for moving on. You need to take control of this situation and either a) block her b) when she next contacts you, leave her on "read" and don't reply. Ever.

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2019 10:59

Yeah I agree you should block her. It's not helping you to hear from her, you need space to move on.

SparklyMagpie · 14/03/2019 10:59

You've posted about this a few times now haven't you, just move on

Samind · 14/03/2019 11:00

Absolutely block her. Don't be her plan b.

Original poster

Tinytimtim01 · 14/03/2019 15:09

Ok thanks. I thought she might of just being nice obvs not

OP posts:

HerrenaHarridan · 14/03/2019 17:42

I disagree.

You got on well enough to be together. It didn’t end in bloodshed.
You can still be friends if you want to.

People round these parts call sharing your feelings with a friend having an emotional affair, you can set your own boundaries

NameChangeNugget · 14/03/2019 17:49

Block her and move on. She’ll be clicking her fingers and expecting you to jump before you know it.

RosieFree · 14/03/2019 17:55

Block her on everything. She’s clearly playing games and it’s unfair to you if you still have feelings for her

Frenchmontana · 14/03/2019 20:17

You got on well enough to be together. It didn’t end in bloodshed.You can still be friends if you want to.

Except she isnt treating him like a friend is she?

category12 · 14/03/2019 20:25

I don't think she's necessarily playing games - she may feel guilty about the split and is trying to tread a line between being a friend and not engaging with you more than superficially in case you want her back. It probably is a good idea to block her - I might say to her "I need a bit of space to heal and move on, but in a few months I hope to be in a place where we're able to be friends" (if that's true) before I did it. But there's nothing wrong in needing a clean break altogether.

JK1773 · 14/03/2019 20:29

I think she’s trying to maintain a level of friendship. Without trying to lead you on. If that doesn’t work for you that’s ok. You could politely ask her for some time to get your head together without any messsges. I’m sure she’ll respect that. I think blocking her seems a bit harsh

category12 · 14/03/2019 20:31

I mean, I'm not seeing the poor treatment here - she congratulated the OP on the new job. Conversation over.

She asked about the bad day, didn't read the message for a while, but we don't know why, and when she did read it, OP's message was upbeat so maybe she didn't feel it needed a response.

Original poster

Tinytimtim01 · 14/03/2019 20:41

I understand she doesn't want to try again.
I've asked once and I'm not asking again...I don't want to be that needy begging guy. I still have feelings for her and it's nice she gets in touch, I just wasn't sure why in some cases.
I can't change the way she feels about me, that being not a lot lol.

OP posts:

Orange6904 · 14/03/2019 22:05

It sounds harsh but I would block her, it's not fair on you to keep popping in when you're hurting. Focus on you. Good luck.

memaymamo · 14/03/2019 23:21

Feelings are complicated. She's probably partly just being nice and partly missing the feeling of having you like her. Even if she doesn't want a relationship the residual feelings can be very messy. She may like the idea of transitioning into a friendship but she's transitioned fasted than you.

If you've never said "please don't contact me, I find it difficult" then she won't know how much she's confusing you.

If you want to clear your head and get over things more easily then either tell her the above or block her.

AgentJohnson · 15/03/2019 02:36

You arent ready to be her firiend and even if you were, you don’t want the type friendship she has to offer.

You need to move on.

Frenchmontana · 15/03/2019 04:42

I messaged her back and she deliberately ignored it until a day later she read it and ignored?

If a friend is having a bad time and you message them. You dint then ignore it of not message back when they say they are ok. Even if it's an 'ok, speak soon' or something.

I dont know anyone who would do that to friend.

SandyY2K · 15/03/2019 07:34

I agree. Block her.

Original poster

Tinytimtim01 · 15/03/2019 09:50

Thanks.
The worst bit on social media she seems to be getting on like nothing ever happened. She has every right too..I'm here feeling gutted. I guess she never liked me as much as I thought and as much as I liked her.

OP posts:

memaymamo · 15/03/2019 23:21

It's a tale as old as time, really - unrequited love. It is one of the worst pains. I really hope you can heal, try to find other things you like to do or that are fun and totally different to what you'd do with her.

Original poster

Tinytimtim01 · 16/03/2019 12:44

@memaymamo
Yep you're right. I'm trying new things, working on myself.
As I was the last person to text and she hasn't replied IF there was ever any contact it should be from her now?

OP posts:

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