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Original poster

He's still using tinder

18 replies

YessCaroline · 14/03/2019 01:31

Hello people! I need some advice and opinions bout some guy I've been dating.
We've been seeing each other for like 3 month, we met through tinder.
We get along pretty well, and see each other every few weekend or whenever we can, and have constant communication and even though I didn't want a relationship in the beginning, I started to feel a connection with him.
We haven't discussed our relationship status though and then I noticed that he changed his tinder pics, which makes me super angry (it suck cuz I stopped using it a while ago) and I wanted to stop talking to him completely without explain why, he tried to talk to me but I wouldn't give him an straight answer.
Do you think I should let it be or should I try to explain what's bothering me

OP posts:
Blondebakingmumma · 14/03/2019 01:44

Have a straight conversation with him about your relationship. Ask him if you are exclusive. If he says no, then you can decide if you want to stay with him or not.

Frenchmontana · 14/03/2019 04:13

He is doing nothing wrong.

From what you have said, you have told him you dont want a relationship. You havent had a conversation with him telling him you want to be exclusive. Why would he delete it?

Refusing to speak to him is quite childish, given the situation.

ponyprincess · 14/03/2019 04:23

How did you notice he changed his Tinder pics if you stopped using it?

DonnaDarko · 14/03/2019 05:13

3 months is still quite early, and it doesn't sound like you have talked about your relationship status, so he may not realise you want to only see him.

Isth · 14/03/2019 05:52

Obviously you should take your arse in your hand here, how dare he not read your mind?! Hmm
Of course talk to him! You are giving off some serious mixed messages just on this thread (don’t want a relationship, clearly do want a relationship, don’t use tinder, clearly have been checking it often etc) poor bloke is probably confused.

HappyGoGoLucky · 14/03/2019 05:54

You're both not officially together so technically, he isn't doing anything wrong.

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2019 05:55

Yeah you need to talk to him directly if you want to keep seeing him.

JenniferJareau · 14/03/2019 06:02

I wanted to stop talking to him completely without explain why, he tried to talk to me but I wouldn't give him an straight answer.

That is not the way to handle issues in a relationship. You talk about what is bothering you, not go off in a huff and hope he twigs what the issue is.

Do you think I should let it be or should I try to explain what's bothering me

You told him you don't want a relationship
You have not discussed your relationship status
You don't see him regularly

In light of the above he has done nothing wrong. If you feel a connection to him now and want to be exclusive then tell him. How else is he supposed to know if you don't tell him?

RiversDisguise · 14/03/2019 07:07

You sound very young....

Tell him you want him to be your boyfriend and see what he says

NameChangeNugget · 14/03/2019 07:57

You told him you don't want a relationship
You have not discussed your relationship status
You don't see him regularly

What has he done wrong? You read some awful dating stories on here, where people have been utter twats however, I’m really struggling to see what he’s done wrong here.

ShatnersWig · 14/03/2019 08:51

How did you notice he changed his Tinder pics if you stopped using it?

This.

But also

I didn't want a relationship in the beginning, I started to feel a connection with him. We haven't discussed our relationship status though

There's your problem right there then, isn't it? Hardly the bloke's fault at all.

And as for this

I wanted to stop talking to him completely without explain why, he tried to talk to me but I wouldn't give him an straight answer

Are you 15? That's how your coming across. This is ALL on YOU OP, and not the bloke.

Dieu · 14/03/2019 19:23

Changing his photos means that he is up for meeting others.
I can understand why you'd be very disappointed by this, even if you haven't had 'the chat'.

Original poster
YessCaroline · 15/03/2019 03:13

@ frenchmontana Yeah you're right I should speak with him, I mainly didn't do it out of pride. Something I have to work on.
Also I normally like to let things be and enjoy the moment but if things don't progress something must be done.

(Sorry if it sounds juvenile but English is not my first language and I try to keep it short)

OP posts:
Original poster
YessCaroline · 15/03/2019 03:19

@ dieu yess exactly! In my head it really sucks if someone takes the time to update their profile cuz it sends a clear message.

OP posts:
BlueMidnight · 15/03/2019 03:29

You need to communicate to make sure you’re on the same page. Unless you’ve had a conversation where you’ve both agreed you’re exclusive, you cannot blame him for acting as if you’re not! Especially since you met on Tinder where multi-dating is generally expected. It sounds as if there may be a miss match in your expectations - maybe he sees what you have as a FEB situation whereas you want a relationship? In any case, he’s not a mind reader. Talk to him.

BlueMidnight · 15/03/2019 03:29

*FWB not FEB!

KennyCalmIt · 15/03/2019 04:27

You won’t answer the question - you must’ve been on tinder yourself to know he’d changed his picture?

You aren’t official. You haven’t had any decent conversation about where you both are. To me, seeing each other every few weekends would not count as a relationship (unless you live hours apart and in a long distance relationship of course).

This sounds like something casual to him. You made it clear at the beginning you didn’t want a relationship, you hardly see each other, of course he’s keeping his options open. Just because you now feel a strong connection to him doesn’t make him psychic. You sound incredibly immature.

Speak to him. Be honest about your feelings. But in all honesty he probably sees this as something casual who he sees every now and then, which is why he’s still on tinder

Frenchmontana · 15/03/2019 04:38

cuz it sends a clear message.

You sent a clear message. You dont want a relationship.

So you don't want a relationship, but you dont want him to date other people?

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