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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Alcoholic Husband

6 replies

beanypie · 13/03/2019 22:14

Not sure where to start! I'll try and be brief. DH has always been known as 'a drinker', but things have escalated to the point that he is drinking at least 2 bottles of wine most nights, usually with a couple of other drinks thrown in also for good measure. This is causing strain on our relationship and I am also worried about the damage it will do to our DC as well. He is not violent and most of the time he does not appear even slightly drunk! However, his personality does change. He has the need to be right all the time and now I just ignore or give in to what ever he is saying to stop 'a debate'. He regularly tells me that I contribute nothing to our relationship and all the problems we have are my fault. Our relationship in general is not great and has been deteriorating rapidly over the last 2-3 years. 11 years ago, when our youngest child was 6 mths old, I found out he had run up a debt of £40k playing fruit machines. He had therapy and we worked hard to try and save the marriage, but if I am absolutely honest, I don't think it ever truly recovered. Last year, I discovered that he had run up debts of £25k on credit cards - not sure what on! Since then his drinking has spiralled and we are at the point where he is barely even speaking to me!!!

Do I involve his family for support? Or do I just leave him to it? I really don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
ScatteredMama82 · 13/03/2019 22:46

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like he has an addictive personality, until he realises that and deals with it you cannot help him. The best thing you can do is take steps to protect yourself and your DC. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and it has given me many problems throughout my life. I have real issues with knowing my own self worth and I fret constantly about what other people are thinking/feeling. No matter how much you think you are protecting your DC or it is not affecting them, it is. My Dad thought I wasn't affected by it, but he didn't know I was lying in bed shaking, listening for my mum being sick as I was terrified she was going to choke on her own vomit. I was 12. Don't put your kids through that.

PurpleWithRed · 13/03/2019 22:52

Not sure what your question is but surely you are leaving him? You have no relationship and on top of that he’s an alcoholic, a gambler, and 100% untrustworthy. Think of his debts as stealing from you and the dc. Run run run.

officeworker36 · 13/03/2019 22:54

oh fuck! the guy's an addict, drinking and gambling addictions are not going to sort themselves out without professional help.

I guess it depends on the relationship you have with his family and what they are like, are they heavy drinkers / gamblers / do they always stick up for him etc? If so, they probably won't be much help.

beanypie · 14/03/2019 10:29

Thank you for your replies - I am not really sure what my question was either! I think I just wanted to know that I wasn't going mad and that his behaviour is unacceptable! Hopefully this will help me decide my next steps.

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AIBUtopickanyoldname · 14/03/2019 10:33

Why on earth would you stay?

beanypie · 14/03/2019 11:29

Good question! Mainly because I am not in a financial position to be able to leave. Have just re-read that and it sounds like I’m scared! I think that’s a big part of it too - being the one to make the break.

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