Current situation is I'm divorcing H, my choice. Dead relationship for a long time. Still living together in the short term, told him he is free to move on in this time.
A couple of years ago messenger popped up on his tablet between him and woman at work, nothing bad but the tone was slightly flirty and didn't sound like him. I asked if I could look at his phone, and he let me. After he had been to the toilet with it. He had deleted over 40 messages from this woman as the history was still there. Wouldn't tell me what was in the them. Just said more of the same stuff as tablet messages. He also had mentionitis then never mentioned her after this. Categorically denied cheating and I believed him as I couldn't see how he even had the opportunity as he was home, work or shopping.
Fast forward and we have split. Amicable but I'm not loving living together still. Something felt off recently and I searched his stuff when he was out. I found a condom in his drawer. Which disappeared when he went on a night out, which turns out was with this woman from his work. He left his car there (I know where she lives and I drove down to check) one night as he had been drinking, he never told me he was going out with her, I worked it out based on where he said his car was.
Found a second phone in the bottom of his work bag. Charged. Pin number set. No SIM card inside. Also bag had some sex toys - cock rings, homemade ring gag, small vibrator and some of his underwear which I don't think was clean. Also found women's underwear which I know he used to wear a lot and I told him years ago it was a deal breaker for me so he got rid of it all and stopped wearing it. Was there one day then 3 days later all gone from his bag except for phone. Can't find it anywhere else in the house.
Now I've asked him how long it's been going on with woman from work and he's denied it is or ever has. I can't tell him I've searched his stuff yet. He is VERY convincing and I always thought I knew him well. Says it's important to him that I believe him as I clearly don't. Swore on parents grave he hasn't slept with X, which actually makes me think maybe it's someone else as he kept saying nothing has happened with X, swear on parents grave etc. He also admitted he was flirting with her and was flattered by the attention 2 years ago (think he forgot that he never actually told me this) and that she had told him she liked him. But he backed off out of respect for me.
Now I'm not bothered if he's moving on NOW, but clearly a second hidden phone shows this has been longer. His normal phone is always on silent and has been for a long time and I know he's on messenger until 1am most nights. He has hardly any friends so it's not like he's chatting to a mate.
I'm not mad am I? It does add up to something doesn't it?