I am the OW in an Emotional Affair. I'm sorry.

[Fishdoggy]

I've been having an Emotional Affair with a man (shared hobby) who has a partner of 20 years. They have a 19 son together and each has other adult children who no longer live at home. He started texting in September and pretty soon we spent hours messaging. Nothing physical except the odd hug. This is a man who has regularly cheated on her, once he left but returned once the affair fizzled out. I fell deeply in love (I'm single) and his friends believe he did too.

Why am I posting? Because I read on here about EAs and the damage they cause. I've blocked him, without discussion and will no longer engage. I'm really sorry. I've never wanted to be an OW and this is how easy it is to become one. A lovely, charming flirtation which tips into feelings. I'm sorry for all those wives and partners who've been cheated on. I'm sorry for all the pain. I've been cheated on and I know how much it hurts.
I wish I didn't miss him and long for his messages but I know I have to do this. I won't change my mind. I wanted to write this down to make sense of it. Rip into me all you want. I bloody deserve it for being so foolish.

Yes, you were foolish. But you have done the right thing by blocking him. The most important thing now is that you stay strong and stay NC. Look at it as a learning experience.

I’m not going to rip into you. I’m sorry you are hurt and distressed.

Well done for ending it.

Now you need to work on why you were so attracted to a serial philanderer... hopefully that's not a trend, but if it is then you can use this as experience to spot red flags earlier.

Well done for blocking its not easy. I was in an EA. Im the married one. It's awful. I blocked him a week ago. I saw him today and we just totally ignored each other like stranger's.

You've done well to block him OP. I wish you luck in future.

Fair play for blocking him I hope you're okay

Nah, you realised what was going on and you stopped it. And you’re not responsible for every cheating husband in the world either. My 20 year marriage blew up over cheating. I don’t blame the OW. She didn’t know me. It was my exh who made the vows and had children with me. I blame him.

At least you've stopped and will now hopefully have saved his poor wife some heartbreak, for now. However men like this will always need someone. There'll be another OW in no time.

Thank you. You.ve all been so kind.

"Rip into me all you want. I bloody deserve it for being so foolish"

Certainly not. You need to end every part of histrionics as well. Do not stoke drama by talking in such heightened terms. You mustn't talkmto him, and it's not going to help you to talk about him either

Do not talk about him, the affair or whatever.

The more time you spend thinking about it, posting about him etc, the more you keep it alive.

That is not good for you.

Every time you find yourself thinking about him, note the thought, tell yourself to let it go, and direct your thoughts onto something - anything - which is not harmful.

It's not 'easy' to become one. Unless it was one night of messaging you made choices. Maybe some therapy will help figure out why you have loose boundaries? Well done on breaking it off.

You were wrong to engage initially but you’ve done the right thing now.

Anyway, from the sound of it, if it had gone further and he’d left his wife for you, the chances are he would have done the same to you. You’ve given yourself a lucky escape!

This has actually helped me. I can see how someone becomes emotionally involved with someone they shouldn't, it is never a black and white issue. Thanks for this post. I hope you find a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone deserving.