I am so so sorry that this is so long...I have written what is in my head so it's all a bit confused so apologies...
I have a six week old new son. It started in labour when I was in the middle of a contraction and my husband answered the phone to his mum and was chatting away when I needed him (awful labour). I said 'seriously, can you hang up', he told me not to be so rude. I said I'm not on the phone to my mum so why do you need to be talking to yours and he stormed out of the birthing suite leaving me alone for 10 minutes. He cane back but didn't apologise.
That same night after our son was born (maybe 3/4 hours after birth) he cried so I got up but I bled, peed all over the floor when I stood up. It wouldn't stop so I ran to the bathroom and jumped in the shower. My husband went to see to the baby and stepped in my mess. He shouted st me saying that I wasn't coping and clearly we would have to get a nanny. He hadn't apologised for this. He cleaned it up so did the right thing.
He had a go at me at me because baby won’t sleep at night - my fault because I let him sleep through the day..all because I asked him to keep lights and sound low at night so baby can make the distinction between night and day. He says I am being pissy with him, he will just leave and it is my fault baby is being like this.
He wants to be involved with all aspects of our baby's care, he wants it to be done his way, but as I'm the SAHM i am doing most of it. But it needs to be his way.
How much more of this can I take? How much of my life to I spend tiptoeing around this man because things have to be done his way? When things don’t go perfectly then it is always my fault. I am not treated as an equal adult in this relationship and having this baby with him is making me doubt everything...I wouldn’t change our baby for the world but is our relationship strong enough? I never imagined that he could be like this ever..
DH is slowly breaking me and I don’t know why and I don’t know if he can see what he is doing? He has had a few days off work and has been helping me but I feel like I am supposed to be so so grateful for any time he spends with baby so I can sleep or shower. I am grateful but when he doesn’t get something done he then puts the blame on me.
I.e, I didn't get that done because I was with our son whist you were sleeping.
Yesterday he swore at me in Tesco because baby started to cry and I was looking at baby clothes. I should have immediately turned to go apparently and he doesn’t understand this, how I could not care our child was crying which is more important than clothes. Baby was crying slightly for about a minute.
He has a go at me constantly for not keeping baby warm enough, not doing his nappy right, not feeding him right. He always says I nurse him with his head down (I don’t). It is constant. Like he is constantly correcting me.
He also expects me to start training to be his assistant for his work (which I have in the past expressed an interest at doing). But he wants me to start doing it now and he expects me to help with no training etc, I should just be able to pick it up and do stuff and if I was really that interested in doing it then I would have shown more interest and would have tried to do a couple of tasks for him by now...when our child was born 6 weeks ago? But the fact I haven’t pushed myself and done more is just because that’s the way I am, I don’t push myself really. He constantly makes me feel like I am not a good enough person. Like me being me just isn’t enough.
And now I am a wreck and second guessing everything I do in case I get criticised. I am losing all confidence in my ability to do anything. I’m walking on eggshells. Yesterday I was scared to choose a table at Starbucks in case I chose the wrong one. I had to think about which table DH would want.
Now this morning I said I was going to put baby down so I could shower as I’m covered in sick. He said he would look after baby so I could shower I said great I will be quick. I took 15 minutes to brush my teeth, shower and get dressed and he was shouting at me for why I was taking so long. It couldn’t take that long just to put some clothes on. Then he lost his temper because he was running out of time to go for a cycle before work. He brought me the breastfeeding tea he made for me as I was feeding (whilst having a go because I hadn’t drank it yet), and knocked over my bag of snacks I have next to me on the table and so picked it up and slammed it down in a temper. It wasn’t that aggressive but it scared me.
I am constantly being told that I’m not eating enough or drinking enough. I get lectured everyday on how I need to have a proper breakfast like eggs, not just a banana which I grabbed. If I don’t know what I’m cooking for dinner then I am not organised enough and when I cook something quick like pasta it isn’t good enough. If I don’t use all the food in the fridge before it goes bad (including all leftovers) I am wasteful and get told off, and if I don’t have stuff in to cook (and I now limit what I get in in case it goes off), I am disorganised. He doesn’t cook really so it is down to me. I must have hot meals 3 times a day so I am doing all I can for breastfeeding, a sandwich isn’t enough, toast isn’t enough. I am constantly being asked if I have been drinking enough water, and being told that it still isn't enough.
He does help out when he is home and not working, he often burps baby etc but I thought that was more so he could spend time with his son rather than helping me out?
There is a lot more stuff that my head is too confused to write down and put into words..
But what do I do? I have no family here at all and no other support..
Is it me? Am I asking too much of him? Am I a bad mum? I know I’m not a natural and I am finding it tough..Baby hates to be put down etc so getting things done is harder than I thought it would be. He is on the boob constantly too. Am I failing? If you have managed to read all of this thank you..