I've NC as this is very outing. I've read a lot of posts and find mums netters are excellent with advice. I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with this or a book you'd recommend to make me stronger as this is getting me really down so much so I told my husband I feel I need to talk to someone about this.
I always had a lot of respect for my parents however I've since married and had dc of my own and I'm starting to realize my family are far from normal.
My dad likes to be in control of everything and my mum allows this.
In the past my mum has expressed interest in wanting to return to work as she gave up work when she and my dad married. My dad told her that she wouldn't be around on his days off and they wouldn't be able to do anything together or go away. My dad spends his days off doing what he wants whilst my mum waits for him and won't make plans in case he wants to do something. They do often do things together but always my dads choice where they go. He never tells her his work schedule. He works shift.
My mum hasn't a lot of friends when she tries to get to know someone my dad tells her not to be getting too friendly with them as they'll be at you all the time then. My mum will then suddenly find fault in that person.
When my parents were doing up their house I asked my mum what colours they were thinking of and my mum was like oh your dads picking as he's paying.
She's not allowed have a bath in case water leaks through the ceiling or light candles in the house. The candles I can sort of understand as they're dangerous and even my own husband hates me lighting them but would never stop me. I applied for a job in a field where it would be hard to get into and my dad told me I was f*cking ridiculous if I thought I'd get it which I did and then have put myself up for promotions too and been told why would I want the responsibility ect. I don't see my parents that often anymore. I don't have a key to their place. In the past my mum has suggested me and DH stay over if I'm visiting friends in the area rather than trying to get a taxi home. We take her up on the offer and then suddenly there'll be a reason why we can't stay. When they did up the house my dad put a single bed in the spare room so "people wouldn't be staying over" his words. I have 2 siblings who have families of their own and when we come home for Christmas or family events there's no room so we end up not staying with our parents which is sad as when I stay in my in-laws there is always room even if it is a blow-up bed on the floor. My siblings don't talk about it and pretend everything is normal. My sister even acknowledged all this with me once then turned around and told me all this was in my head. I probably shouldn't let this bother me the way it does.