Feeling flat in marriage

[Louise000000]

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I've been married for 10 years now. We have 3 young children. I feel guilty even writing this down as I've never voiced these feelings. To everyone we have a perfect marriage.
I can't say I'm feeling 'unhappy' as nothing major has gone on. It's just the feeling of flatness. I don't look forward to spending any time with him. He's only home at weekends and I am always relieved when he's made plans with his friends. I'm more excited about spending time with my own friends. We don't get a chance for date nights out due to childcare but I remember even looking forward to cosy nights in with him watching a movie. I can't remember the last time I did.
Also u find myself day dreaming about other men alot. This goes from a sexual fantasy to actually imagining being with them as a couple with my children. This is what is most worrying to me as I didn't used to feel like this. This is probably in the last 18 months or so.
I've been telling myself it's just a patch that will pass. And I've been trying my best to be the best wife I can be when he is home at weekends.
Can anyone relate to this. Did it pass? I'm scared to voice any of these to him I guess of fear of hurting him and also fear that he might feel the same.
Thanks

To add aswell. We used to have a lot of firey arguments. But always make up. And I found that this was really healthy as we were getting it all out and reconciling. Also healthy for the kids to see that you can argue as long as you make up. But it was probably early last year that we argued like this. Which at first I thought 'great we are getting on so well recently' but now I'm not so sure it's not another sign that I feel different.

You say you can't manage a date night due to childcare, but I think this is an emergency so you should try! This happened to us and we got a family member to come for the weekend and look after the children. They did not want this to happen, moaned quite a bit but I thought it was best for the family in the long run. I planned the kids weekend for them and left things to do and the right food, for the family member to be able to cope. When I got back the kids had had a lovely time.
Meanwhile I went to my husband's work town on Friday and we spent the weekend near there in a hotel at a tourist destination. We reconnected and I got to see what his commute is like.
Since then we try to Skype during the week when he's away and watch the same thing at the same time and talk about it as if we were together. We are together but not on the same sofa.
It's tough when one person works away and I sometimes used to think he shouldn't bother coming home on Fridays really... from resentment that I did everything on my own in the week. Our weekend worked out well. It was a test to see if the relationship could be saved or if I just wasn't interested any more. DH stepped up and arranged some surprises at the weekend and it all turned out well.
It could just be a passing phase OP - maybe it's time to make changes as your situation is tough at the moment.

I agree that you need to at least attempt to reconnect as a couple. I think this is probably a common feeling in marriages, when young children are always the priority. But to save your marriage, you are going to have to focus on each other's needs. Who knows if your marriage can be saved. But you owe it to your family to try.

Cheezyweez how had you been feeling before you made that time to have the weekend away? Had it been a long time coming?
I think I've been kind of saying to myself 'this is normal' for a while and keeping ticking over.
I understand that after 10 years married and with 3 kids it's not going to still be that crazy for each other stage.
I can't help thinking he's feeling the same too as both last sat and last night he had already made plans with his friends as a first choice of what he wanted to do with his evening off. (And that didn't bother me in the slightest by the way!)

Sorry I've taken ages to. come back OP. It had been about 2 years. I wasn't keen on staying tbh but there was not really a better alternative during that time so I just carried on. It was a flat patch. Now we are really good, I'm enjoying my marriage again. I think your DH probably does feel the same as you - you feel flat, and so does he - if either of you start feeling a bit warmer then the other will also begin to reflect that in my experience. Why not plan something nice to do ? Be nice to him and see what happens