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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband has left...

21 replies

AvocadoYUK · 12/03/2019 22:05

So after my husband got home from work he simply old me he is is not in love with me anymore and we should break up. Complete shock. I mean obviously things take a little time to get back to normal after having a baby (esspecially sInce birth I keep getting sick) but nothing that effected us too much. I really thought things were brilliant and then he drops that on me.
Me and my husband have a 18 month baby too... luckily I don't have to explain anything to her but the whole thing just breaks my heart...

I love him so so much and I feel like my heart has been ripped up...
I don't want him to leave..

OP posts:

izekiah · 12/03/2019 22:08

Have you been having arguments anything to suggest he wasn’t happy before this ?

I’m sorry, Op. especially with a young child

NotTheFordType · 12/03/2019 22:08

I'm sorry Op, that must be a horrible shock.

What's happening now? Has he packed and left or is he assuming he's still going to sleep in your bed and you might give him desperation sex ?

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 12/03/2019 22:09

We rarely argue, like if we squabbled all the time I'd get it but we've been okay. Things have just been a little slow getting back to normal. That's it. Like... it all feels just so so so out of the blue

OP posts:

Pinkybutterfly · 12/03/2019 22:10

I'm sorry OP. Is he still home? Ask him to go to his family for some days and let him think. Have a proper conversation with him and see if things can be sorted. If not you will have to let him go.... Good luck

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 12/03/2019 22:10

He's gone up the road to his mums and I'm here with the baby

OP posts:

Moanymoaner123 · 12/03/2019 22:16

If it's this out of the blue I would be assuming there was someone else who's turned his head. Look up 'the script' there are plenty of women on here that have had the same experience. I'm so sorry op, it must be such a shock. When he has calmed down a bit perhaps you could suggest counselling but that relies on him agreeing.

Nnnnnineteen · 12/03/2019 22:22

Oh bless you, mine was so similar, 8 years on I can still feel my stomach being ripped out. Try and get some sleep, impossible I know, but do try or you will be wrecked tomorrow. Don't message him!!!! Leave it for tonight.

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 12/03/2019 22:24

Nothing really matches the script at all

OP posts:

Mishappening · 12/03/2019 22:27

So sorry this has happened to you.

Mammajay · 12/03/2019 22:33

If you are on your own, is there anyone you can call? Someone who could come and stay over tonight? Such a shock is like a bereavement in some respects. I would want my daughter to phone so I could support her.

Bambii · 12/03/2019 22:34

@AvocadoYUK so important to now surround yourself with family and friends and maybe speak to a lawyer so you know your rights.

If his mother is worth anything she'd send him right back to help you with the baby or she would be contacting you to check you're ok.

Just because he says the relationship is over that doesn't excuse him from dad duties.

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 12/03/2019 22:43

Luckily been able to talk to family but no one lives near by.

He's happy to pay for the rent etc. Until I know what to do. He even offered to come back over every morning and every evening to help but I know think I can face seeing him so much without being able to kiss him or even just knowing he doesn't love me anymore

OP posts:

Bambii · 13/03/2019 06:01

@AvocadoYUK as difficult as it is, I would take him up on his offer because in future that will be your sanity, you need a break too and he is part responsible for your little tyke being in the world. Take that time to clean yourself up and feel beautiful in yourself again.

I know it's so hard not to be able to kiss him anymore when you see him but I would just tell him that so that you've shared it and he understands what you're feeling (what he's making you feel). Talking it out further with him is important for your own sense of processing.

I think it would be more painful for you to cut him off completely, especially if no family are near by, and easier on him too, so don't give him that. You will turn very bitter very quickly.

Even if he doesn't love you anymore in a romantic sense he will always ALWAYS care about the mother of his child and it's ok to discuss that with him too, to get your head around it.

Big hugs to you!

Bambii · 13/03/2019 06:03

@AvocadoYUK he should support you and your little one for the rest of your little one's childhood, not just "agreeing to pay rent till I figure it out..."

I would most definitely speak to a lawyer because in doing that you get the upper hand on this.

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 13/03/2019 07:39

@bambii thank you. That's very good advice. Yeah I've been left here all on my own and he gets to spend time with his family and get support and love... so him coming over at least will keep him in the reality of what's happening and not in this family bubble over there

OP posts:

izekiah · 13/03/2019 08:16

He wouldn’t have to support her for the rest of their child’s life !?

them at rarely happens unless it’s a very long marriage / earning potential is very low. Courts prefer clean breaks.

He would at assuming pay child maitence that’s it.
This may reduce over time as the child spends more nights with his father x

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 13/03/2019 08:51

Well he encouraged me to be a SAHM so I expect him to help for a while.

OP posts:

Bambii · 13/03/2019 09:34

@AvocadoYUK hugs! You got this, try to keep a calm mind (as much as possible) so that you can think strategically in order to get the best possible outcome for you and your little one.

Keep us updated too Xx

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 13/03/2019 16:26

Thanks been feeling raw today but my baby has been so good and cute today that's made me feel better x

OP posts:

Mrsmummy90 · 13/03/2019 16:45

I'm so sorry! Could he be suffering with depression?
I hate to say it but I'd keep an ear out for another woman xx

Original poster

AvocadoYUK · 13/03/2019 17:20

Yeah he is depressed and I've been doing everything I can to help him. Letting him rest from the baby, giving him space, he gets to go out to London with his mum and sister lots too and more xxx

OP posts:

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