does anyone else feel like they are just co-parenting?

[MelbourneMum]

hello

we have two lovely ds's (2 and 4) and I love my dh to bits but I just feel at the moment that life is so busy with the boys and work and all of the other things that take up time that our relationship is the last priority and we are just co-parenting and barely connecting at all. I really miss him if that makes any sense and we keep saying we must change things but don't ever seem to.... any tips?

You have to make time. It will only happen with effort. Time management. Look at what takes up your time. How much of it do you need?

Oh, I hear making a date is a good one. Ask him out. Get a babysitter, book a table. Meet. Ban all usual topics and be 'on a date'.

I know exactly what you mean, and I think many of us go thru' this at some stage, esp in parenting young children.

I think you HAVE to MAKE time to spend together, which can be very difficult in many cases.

Do you go out together ever? Could you make a regular 'date' time, maybe once a fortnight/month?
Do you get time together at home (after kids are in bed for example)? Can you start to do something you would have done back in the days before you were children?

I know it's difficult, but you have to try to communicate too. Does dh know how you feel?

Hope you can feel better soon.

doh !!

..... days before you were parents?

sorry

we rarely go out without the boys and we both know we need to do it more often and try adn reconnect a bit. We don't quite seem to know how to have fun together any more. dh knows how I feel, he feels the same way. I think we boht feel a little stuck. Life is a bit crazy just now adn I think we both feel a bit out of control so I think we tend to take things out on each other a bit instead of remembering we are on teh same side.

Yeah, us too, MelbourneMum. My2pw's advice is sound. I find that the first 18m or so of each child's life is quite tough, and we do end up co-parenting (we're in it right now, no3 child is 9mo) and forgetting that we're a couple as well as parents.

You do have to spell it out for men though. Every time I tell dh that I miss him, that I want us to remember to be a couple, that - most importantly! - I want my PDAs again, he tries to make love to me that evening. But I don't necessarily want sex - I don't get enough sleep to have a libido as well! Still, it's better than nothing, and at least I know he's trying to meet my needs.

When the kids are little it is tough. It is exhausting.

We played. We took the very thing that was knackering us, and made it 'ours'.

Ok, so for eg, nappies - whichever one of us 'discovered' a ripe one, would yell "2319. 2319." - This was after we had seen monsters inc, where 2319 was a code for an emergency where suited men came to decontaminate!! It amused us. It was a daft little thing, but it made us look at each other in the eye and laugh.

Kids screaming - join in together, we ended up in fits of laughter!

Oh, so many examples, I bet it doesn't read like it makes any sense at all, but it's not an either/or.

Parenting takes up most of your time. It is your life as a couple. You can make it fun and keep the closeness.

As well as the dates, and the baths together with a glass of wine and stuff!!

Does that make any sense?

makes lots of sense, thank you
I can see the 2319 thing perfectly and it makes me laugh, I'd love to get that sense of a private shared joke with dh again.
we are going to a friends 40th this saturday night, its a surprise party at a couple of bars which should be great fun, maybe I should live life on the edge and see if the babysitter might sleep over and have a hotel night!!