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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Neighbour beating up his partner

19 replies

Lefty1 · 12/03/2019 21:22

Okay so a couple moved in to rent the property next door to me , about 9 months ago. Since moving in they have weekly rows where there’s screaming and loud banging ( like he is being physical with her).
I’m a woman on my own so don’t really want to get too involved as it’s quite scary . I have a ring doorbell installed and the other night (very late) they must have had an argument and he was somehow locked out , he kicks down the door and then you can hear screams coming from inside the house ,
I obviously called the police but feel by doing so I maybe put myself at risk as it’s quite obviously me who’s called them.
I talked to the woman after the first major argument they had last year (where it sounded very physical and nasty ) and said she should think about contacting women’s aid but she seemed quite dismissive.
Since then I haven’t said anything more as I’d rather not cause grief for myself

Is there anything I can do to get them out as whilst I’m concerned for the woman I’m also not having much sleep and just want a quiet life 🙈. Does anyone know of the formal process and if it’s worked for them ?

OP posts:

Halo84 · 12/03/2019 22:02

I would tell the husband I enjoy my peace and quiet, and if I hear an argument going on for any length of time, I will be calling the police.

Avalaura · 12/03/2019 22:08

Contact the council and tell them everything keep records of all nuisance noises and they'll help you on what to do next

Moondancer73 · 12/03/2019 22:11

Are there neighbours the other side who might hear them too? Or any other neighbours in the nearby area who might have heard them? Maybe you could have a chat with them and see if they've heard anything?
Is the house rented? If it is maybe it's worth calling the letting agent and voicing concern too - a shot in the dark but we had neighbours years ago who used to frequently have loud physical arguments and police visits and when they left they'd trashed the flat so maybe they'd be able to do a spot check, keep an eye.

firesong · 12/03/2019 23:07

This happened to me at my old place, like you I was living alone (with a young dd) and didn't want to risk getting hurt. I called the police and they arrived very quickly. I heard him denying it all, but was still glad I had called.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 12/03/2019 23:09

Call the police asap next time. They won't say you called them and you'll be helping her too.

firesong · 12/03/2019 23:10

You can also do it anonymously online but I'm not sure how to do it! I did that and it meant that the police didn't come to my door, as I was worried they would.

Heartofglass12345 · 12/03/2019 23:11

@Halo84 I wouldn't do that at all, he doesn't sound like he needs much of an excuse to beat up his girlfriend. This sound like my house most weekends, we had the police out a few times but nothing was done until someone got stabbed.
You could try talking to her on her own again. Maybe ask her if she needs help. It could be that it's both of them and not just him hurting her. You could record and log each incident and report to the council.

firesong · 12/03/2019 23:13

When I spoke to other neighbours later, several had heard it many times but nobody else had called the police

Unutterable · 12/03/2019 23:31

I had this exact same scenario (the victim was a young vulnerable woman with kids). I soon got to know the drill and would phone the police at the slightest raised voice, each and every time.. he would be carted off or do a runner before they turned up.

It was blatantly obvious it was me, I gave several statements to the police and was called as a witness for the prosecution when he was eventually charged (but wasn’t needed in the end as he changed his plea) - but he didn’t so much as bat an eyelid if we passed in the street. Men who victimise intimate partners behind closed doors are pathetic cowards and aren’t quite so mouthy/ handy when it comes to members of the public.

You have a civic duty to report him, as a society we can’t stand by and let people get away with this behaviour.

whatamidoingwithmylife · 12/03/2019 23:38

I'm in the same situation - my neighbour rents from the council though and although I've complained, no one cares.
They gave me a number for the anti-social behaviour unit but my voicemails go unanswered.

Every now and again she kicks him out (he's currently been gone a few weeks - bliss!!) but he always comes back.

I've posted on here before about it and everyone's opinion seemed to be for me to just move and give up my lovely home I've lived in for years so this couple who have been here a year can do as they please.

My major issue is that as a woman living alone I could be a target for any anger they have if I call the police. Also, I don't want to have to disclose all complaints and police contacts to any potential future buyer of my home.
I totally understand why you're worried - but sadly I doubt you'll manage to have them removed any time soon. It grinds you down though and you can end up dreading going home.

A previous poster mentioned he's likely a coward and wouldn't accost you - this seems to be the case for my neighbour.

Smotheroffive · 12/03/2019 23:53

Its not necessarily safe for the caller or the abused to have the police called on them. It can make matters escalate.

Very tough call. I think you have to be prepared for grief from him and be ready to know what you'll do, how youll respond to that.

I would try to say something to her, about being worried for her, and does she have a number to call etc. I would not do that if there was any chance he could see, as he will then push harder against her thinking she's tittle-tattling about him to others. If she has info, and friendly smiles, one day she might make a move. We can hope.

For a while we resided a few doors away from a couple like this.

It was all blamed on his mental health and he got away with it, but doors were smashed and there were holes in walls by the time they moved out. Pilice were called regularly. The noise was awful to listen to. Sadly, I guess, they will be someone elses problem now.

Original poster

Lefty1 · 13/03/2019 09:49

So they rent privately it’s not council. I know he knows it’s me that calls the police as when they last had the argument he was outside and you could hear him cursing me (calling me the ‘ cunty interfering neighbour ‘) I had it all recorded on the ring doorbell video . It made me very nervous. If I complain to the letting agency what happpens ? Does anyone know ?
I will always call the police (when I hear screams when something kicks off) but I do worry that something could trigger him to target me.

OP posts:

mumwon · 13/03/2019 10:01

what could the agency/land lord actually do? They don't have any rights to exclude the husband - & if they haven't witnessed something -& judging from ops experience in approaching the lady … I agree with pp that discreetly bring up the subject with neighbour on other side -

mumwon · 13/03/2019 10:13

researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/SN01012/SN01012.pdf this is about anti social behaviour in housing. The section on rental & private rental basically says that the only power the ll might have is to evict tenants for anti social behaviour - but that probably means behaviour that directly affects others - not their partner & even than court have judged that ll (& they meant social ll in this case) cannot be held responsible for their tenants behaviour - I wish they did have more rights - as a ll - but they don't. & by the way it states a council ll can only refer to the police like you.

user1493413286 · 13/03/2019 10:28

I would call the police every time you’re worried; that way it will trigger other services to contact her to try and help. I wish my neighbour had called the police when I was with my ex; it might have shocked me into leaving earlier.
Abusive men tend to like to look good to the outside world so I doubt he’d ever even approach you about it apart from to tell you that “he’s a good guy/his partner starts a lot of arguments/he’d never hurt a women blah blah”.
I would offer support to the women. I can’t see what contacting the letting agent would do other than make him more angry which he would take out on her. I’m finding it a bit difficult that it reads like you just want to move the problem on rather than help someone who is being abused.
As pp said:
You have a civic duty to report him, as a society we can’t stand by and let people get away with this behaviour.

pumpastrotter · 13/03/2019 10:36

I could have written your OP, my renting neighbours have been in around 6 months and since Christmas the arguments have escalated to the extent he has been locking her out of the house late at night and I've heard her crying that he has been hiding her essential medication, not sure if there is direct violence but there is banging around. I suffer from PTSD due to DV and find hearing their arguments quite triggering, I'm lucky to have DH around.

We've never spoken, rarely cross paths and it would be dangerous to say anything directly to either of them, for her or myself. Best thing you can do OP is call the police and speak to their landlord/estate agent, I actually contacted someone last week to complain about the arguments and they had a child (teenage) so I may even contact response services. If you're worried about him retaliating maybe install a CCTV camera, even a dud could put him off, and tell the police you're scared as they do offer things to help such as marking your calls as emergency/panic buttons....

ScarletBitch · 13/03/2019 10:42

I would tell him straight, he may get away with intimidating his partner but he does not scare you, and you will be ringing the Police each and every time he starts because your sick of listening to him.

Original poster

Lefty1 · 13/03/2019 10:43

@user1493413286
To be clear I DO contact the police everytime there is a row ! I also have a 6 year old son to care about . The woman next door has no children. I did try to talk to her about getting help (when he was at work I ran into her as I was coming back from the local school) but she was very dismissive verging on rude to me. My priority is protecting my son and me from this lunatic and who smashed down a door and swears about me! Obviously I want them gone and to remove a risk/ threat to us!

OP posts:

Abouttimemum · 13/03/2019 10:56

I once went round my neighbour’s house to drop a letter off and her what we thought placid partner wouldn’t let her open the door and I could hear her screaming for help inside. I pushed the door open and she ran out into the street. He was standing there with a machete in his hand raging at her and then raging at me for interrupting.
Another neighbour called the police.

He was arrested and the neighbour asked us not to get involved with the police. Said she was going to end it with him and she didn’t want to go to court.

I did tell the police what happened from my perspective but she didn’t want to press charges. I’m not really sure what happened after that as we didn’t hear from the police again. She did end it with him though and we haven’t seen him since. I told her how brave I thought she’d been to get him out of her life.

I dread to think what might have happened if I hadn’t gone to drop that bloody letter off!!!

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