I need help getting through tonight

[reliwer]

I've posted a couple of times recently but NC because I'm terrified of being recognised. My ex is in my head. He's EA and has broken me. I contacted his ex partner this week who is a lovely, lovely person who has confirmed that he destroyed her through EA and that she went through everything I've been through.

He wants to be in constant contact, wants to skype every day, wants to be present at DSs hospital appointments, and is now hurling abuse at me because I'm stopping him from seeing DS. It's true, he's not seeing his DS much because I moved an hour away and won't travel when I'm exhausted, and have been advised by a solicitor today to have zero face to face contact with him as he's causing me anxiety, which is bad for me and my son.

I feel sick tonight. He's telling me he's turning up to DSs appointment this week, saying he wants to come to the house, telling me I'm awful and denying that he's ever done anything wrong to me. He has. Trust me when I say he was vile and my self esteem, self worth, and confidence is through the floor.

I'm going to try and see my solicitor tomorrow. It'll cost me a fortune as I'm waiting for a letter from women's aid so I can get legal aid, but I can't wait anymore.

I'm sorry I've posted so much but it's so, so hard and I feel like he owns me. Can anyone help?

Sorry, not anything tangible.
Just try and keep positive. He is going to be out of your life...

What will help is to have as little contact as possible.

Maybe have a cheap phone just for contact with him.
Agree contact, put phone away only check once a day, same time, let him know this.
Be REALLY determined to ignore the rest of the time.

He cannot be in your head without your permission stop letting him.

I don't know if I can help but I am thinking of you.

I believe everything you say about your ex.

How is he contacting you? Can you block him? Tell him it's contact through the solicitor only.

Do you have parents or anyone nearby who could give you moral support?

Find something to focus on. I did hand weaving on card, as taught in primary school, when my marriage was ending because I couldn't keep still and I had to do something other than think of my situation. My grandma dealt with her issues by handbrushing the stairs. Mindless things, small actions, to focus on.

Keep breathing. It will pass and you will, one day, notice how you have grown since you got away from him.

EA is still abuse.
He is a complete narcissist. Call the DWP and ask to have the appt moved, you are allowed to change the date and time once, then do not tell other half details. In meantime get the abuse on record at Drs and ask a trusted friend to help. Call women's aid for help and advice, then do as he is, look after number one!
Prayers and love ❤️

This is for you, don't be sorry, how he behaves is a reflection of him and not you.

Block him on everything so he can say these things to you. He can arrange contact via the courts.

Thank you. I'm finding this so hard. I'm scared that if I stop all contact the courts will be hard on me because of it...

I just don't know what to do 😥

Reliwer, I believe they mean, stop all contact with you. Just let him make arrangements with your son ( assuming the son is old enough) and if you are seeing. Solicitor get him to notify your partner that the arrangements for seeing his son should be made thru them! That should give you some leeway while you are waiting for the women's aid solicitor to be available to you. I know you feel broken and crushed, but you're not! You had the strength and integrity to move away to protect your son. Now do the same for yourself. One day at a time. Xx

Just checking in to offer my support. I am also struggling to make it through the night. Stay strong

Offer fixed contact when someone else can take DS he can take it or leave it.

Get yourself a new phone sim that he doesn't have block him FB, messenger, WhatsApp etc. Stop reading his messages, stop responding to him etc.

One text - Mum can bring him to x at 2pm on Saturday or Sunday for 2 hours. Confirm which you like by Thursday midnight. Take out sim, put it on Friday only to see if he has accepted either, assuming he has get Mum/Dad/friend to take DS to contact. After checking for that message take sim out again.

If he sets up fake accounts to contact t you then start the process for harassment.

Until you stop reading and responding then there is no hope for you feeling better etc. Take back control over your phone.

@user1486131602 my son is only 4 months old. And ebf. Solicitor said do not facilitate contact as the way he's behaving is no good for me or our son.

my son is only 4 months old. And ebf. Solicitor said do not facilitate contact as the way he's behaving is no good for me or our son.

THIS^^ is exactly what you do from today on and please do it in the way the posters have suggested, one text, no other contact.

Please listen to your solicitor, he is not your boss, he doesn't own you.
He has no rights over you, please keep telling yourself this.

I'm scared of him

He won't get far in court harrassing a 4 months pp woman!!
It is not in your dc's best interests to see him at this time.
Best for your baby is a mentally healthy dm.. He is also denying you the right to enjoy your time with your dc.
Block him in all ways... Change the appointment time.
Is he on the birth certificate?
If /when a judge decides any contact, that's when you need to deal with the twat.

OK if you are scared of him, make plans for every scenario,
ie make sure your house is secure.
make sure someone you trust always knows where you are.
be ready to call the police if he comes and harrasses you

I am sure you can think of lots more ways to feel safer.
Write them down, think about all the ways you can protect yourself in all scenarios.

Listen to your solicitor and tell her/him that you are scared, take the recomendations on board. NO man has the right to intimidate you.

Imagine him shrinking into this tiny sqealing figure you could stamp on!
Imagine this often, to stop his presence feeling so strong in your life.

Reliwer, im so sorry, what a massive amount of crap you have to live thru. I can totally emphasise with you as my situation was similar when my 2nd child was born.
Are you getting help from the midwife team? If not, askfor an outreach worker to support you and your mental health, with all you have going on you are vulnerable PND. Get to the Drs and ask for meds and get his behaviour on record. WA can help in all sorts of ways, counselling as well as legal advice.
See a solicitor today and then post the text to him telling what you have been advised i.e.: keep him away from you etc...
Change the date of your DWP thingy, and change your phone number, if you have a PAYG phone, just get a new sim. If not, call your provider explain what's going on and have his number blocked.
Time to look after you, so you can look after your son.
I don't what else I can do for you, but just ask and if it's just for a moan that's okay too, we all need someone to listen.
This is probably unlikely, but could you explain to his family what's been going on and why you've moved? Put the ball back in their court and help get him off your back?
Take care be strong xx

Trying to get hold of my solicitor but waiting for a call back which I fear won't come today :( I'm so stressed.