Anyone understand men? Because I don't

[TwinkleMerrick]

My DD's dad left us over Xmas. I thought he was getting himself sorted as he has a drug problem but turns out he has met someone new. Anyway, I know I'm better off and to be honest he was kind of pushed to leave because I wouldn't tolerate his behaviour around my DD, but I can't understand how a man can just leave his child without a second thought? I have sent him information about using a contact centre, sent the forms to him with a prestamped envelop......nothing! After going through the pregnancy and being in the babies life for 7 months he has just left, he knew what he was getting into....he has 2 other daughters who he sees EOW. It's really getting me down, I thought we would be a happy family (p.s I didn't know about the drugs until after I got pg) and now I'm a single mum doing it all alone. Pls be king, im really struggling today

I think a lot of men like this don’t get attached to babies and that’s why the walk away. When they become little people they get more attached (although some don’t and are complete wankers)

To be homest with a baby of that age, he would be doing you a favour if he doesn’t come back into your child’s life as he sounds like a knob!

Some men are just cunts. My ex hasnt seen his daughter for 5 years now, he left when she was a few months. My husband however, adores her and raises her as his own. He even cried on her first day at school

I also know a few women who have buggered off and left their kids though aswell, so I'd say its just a shit person thing, rather than a shit man thing.

@Keeprisinghigher he is a knob! Actually feel sorry for the OW. @MonstranceClock is your little girl ok about having a dad that walked away? I'm terrified of how it will affect my DD. Let's hope I meet a nice man (good role model) in the future like you did x

She's only asked about him once. She really doesn't give a shit. I've been honest with her and she's handled it really well.

That's really fantastic @MonstranceClock and set my mind at rest a little. What Is getting to me the most is how he has got away with treating me so badly, it seems he will just forget about me and our DD and carry on with his life regardless, all the while I will always feel broken because of his actions. I tried very hard to help and support him, he has just given up on us and worst of all our DD. It's heart breaking

It's still raw for you. Honestly, I forget my ex even exists not unless someone mentions him to me. And he tried to kill me! I know its cliche, but time is the only healer in these situations.

Mine left when DS was 2 and we never heard from him again. No birthday or Christmas cards, no money. We managed, and DS is now a good father to his dc.

Thanks for telling me your success stories, it's good to hear and gives me hope x

My ex left 2.5 years ago. He hasn't seen DD for over a year. He wanted to control me and make a point.

It hurts like hell, especially when she asks why he doesn't see her.

But, my DD adores my partner. He's a great man in her life and we co parent brilliantly. It's getting better.

Thanku @Soopermum1 and @Singlenotsingle any more success stories out there? It's making me feel so much better hearing about how people have moved on and are now happy xx

In answer to your question.... nope!

The majority of them I've come across are toss bags though!!

He can leave his DD because clearly drugs and new vagina are more important to him.

There's no tragedy about being a single mum; the tragedy is when women hold on to losers and end up ruining their lives and making their child's life uncertain and unstable....No dad is better than a junkie dad.

Listen, some people are just trash...leave him festering outside where he belongs

I left my abusive ex 5 1/2 years ago when our DS was 6. He saw DS EOW and seemed to make an effort with him for a year or so, but then he met his current DP. After his new DP came on the scene he couldn’t be arsed with DS and basically neglected him when he visited. Then his already heavy drinking got way out of hand and I stopped DS from visiting. I offered ex the chance to take DS out for the day, if no drink was involved, but ex rang up and cancelled on the first occasion blaming DS for his room being a mess.

Ex has never given DS so much as a birthday or christmas card, he never rings DS, and despite living less than a mile away, makes no effort to keep in contact. He’s dragged his feet and sandbagged the divorce proceedings for 6 years while he lives in our family home, which I had to leave because of his abuse. This has put me in all sorts of housing difficulties so I’ve had to take him to court to get it resolved. He’s quite happy to throw me and DS under the bus to get what he wants. I fucking hate him.

On the positive side I have a DP of my own. She doesn’t live with us but we spend every weekend plus a lot more time together. She’s great with DS, like a second mum and DS thinks the world of her.

So, in answer to the OP, no, I really don’t understand men in general, and I really don’t understand the vile narcissistic abusive ones like my ex.

Thanks for all your replies. I have found the past couple of days really tough, I feel so low and like I'm mourning the family I thought I was going to have. It's extra hard knowing he hasn't give DD or myself a second thought and gone off with someone new. I know we are both so much better off without him, but it still hurts. Hearing your stories and positive vibes really helps. Thanku xx

A friend of my DM, raised 4 DC on her own, after her DH divorced her. He never saw any of them from the day he left.

That was 40 odd years ago. On top of that he was physically abusive.

A decent parent wouldn't do this, unless they have mental health issues, that impair their thinking. Drug and alcohol addiction will also impair their reasoning.