Advice pls...think its over - unsure what to do

[Mama1981]

Ah help me! Im unsure what to do- stay or go. Background: been together 20 years, two DC 10&5.

Theres no big reason to leave, this is the thing, i just feel like were mates living in the house together. Since having my youngest whose been a handful, i havent felt supported. I feel resentful. I do the majority of the parenting/running the house but he still tells me im doing it wrong. I feel like a single parent and hes a lodger. I dont want to have sex or do anything intimate with him. He loves me which is plain to see and still makes an effort but for me, i feel ive checked out a long time ago. If he called it a day, i cant say id be bothered. I feel like ive coasted along the past 20 years which is quite scary.

What do i do- stay together for the kids or leave now (im 37, hes 41).

20 years is a long time.

Are you kind and nice to each other in general? Or is the bickering / criticism constant?

do you think you could benefit from Counselling?

If not, do you work/ are you financially secure? Could you manage if you were a single parent???

What ever you do think long and hard because you cannot unsay “I want a divorce”

I think you sound complacent. If he actually called it a day, because he met someone else for example I wonder if you'd be more bothered than you imagine?

Twenty years and two kids is a lot to throw away if you think you could work at it. He definitely should be supporting you with the children. You need to have an honest conversation about that.

I know what complacency feels like, but the grass isn't always greener. Do you really fancy farting for the first time in front of someone again? Single parenting? It's a worry that you don't feel physically attracted to him anymore but could that change if the relationship improved?

Sit down and talk to him. Explain how you feel, his lack of support and criticism is killing your love for him to the extent you're thinking of splitting. See what he says and if he is willing to step up and make the necessary changes.

Yes we are amicable. Were just like mates from my side as there are just no feelings. He lives here, pays half towards the bills, hardly helps around the house- i pretty much do everything.

I do work part time. School hours but still on a good wage. I sort out finances/organise school holiday childcare, everything really- he just gives me the money!

We dont go out together. He drinks, ive stopped drinking. I just feel like we have nothing in common anymore. Honestly, i just dont want to go out with him unless others are there. There nothing to chat about and tbh i feel like he just gets pissed and im the chauffeur!

We get to this point every so often (i get pissed off and say thats it), he brushes it under the carpet and i feel i quieten down and we just carry on. I just feel like im going round in circles!