50/50 care share

[Tucobenedicto]

Hi..I posted a cpl of months ago regarding contact with my daughter...i am male and your replies were very helpful...just a bit of an update here...I went to a lawyer and at my ex's say she wanted me to get my daughter on a Sunday 10-5 and a monday 4-7...I went along with it to get contact again even tho it was about 2 months since I hadn't seen her..I said I would do it for 4 weeks and then a review as I wanted overnights and full weekends included going forward...at the weekend I was speaking to my mum and she has said if I wanted to go for 50/50 care she would help me out with maybe a morning or 2 when I am working and also picking up from nursery...I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation...how long do you think I should wait before getting my lawyer to move it forward..there are absolutely no issues regarding anything welfare wise..just another relationship breakdown between me and my ex...thanks for reading.

What’s the point in pushing for 50/50 if you need to use childcare to get it? save your battles.

My ex works as well and she sends our daughter to a chilminder...doesn't a lot of people work need a bit of help with childcare.

Have your work hours changed since your last post? As on your other thread you said midweek contact wasn't possible for you due to 5am starts. It would be a very big disruption for your daughter to go from one main residence to 50-50. Do you think that is in her best interests?

I don't work weekends and my mum has said she would help with a morning or 2 depending on any arrangements that are made..I get what you are saying but my lawyer has said he has dealt with many cases and kids adjust accordingly...not taking everything he says for granted..that's why I've posted here for some advice from you guys

My view is what is best for the children is one base - somewhere to call home and a consistent childcare and school approach. So the parents work together to do so

In your case I would say every other weekend and one night in the week (maybe then your mum can do that morning childcare) as the best starting point for your daughter

You'll find that a lot of women on here are strongly opposed to equal parenting, so bear that in mind when you read some of the responses. The 21st century hasn't caught up with everyone just yet!

The most important thing here is what's best for your daughter. There is no question that her having a strong relationship with both parents is best for her - there's a wealth of evidence on that. But that doesn't always equate to 50/50 being best - you need to think about the practical side of things. Childcare is a key part of that - simply having her stay at your house doesn't strengthen your relationship with her at all if you're constantly busy with work. Can you commit to being there for homework when she's older? Are you and she close - will she be comfortable with the set up? You need to step back and really think about the pros and cons of different arrangements from her position.

I have a 50/50 arrangement for my two daughters (aged 14 and 12). They like that set up, because they get a proper relationship with both of us. But, to make that happen, I made huge changes to my working arrangements. If you're committing to 50/50, you have to really commit to it.

But it's totally worth it. My girls and I have always been very close, and that's only got stronger now that I can parent them on my own terms.

This ^

Your daughter has as much right to an equal relationship with you as with her mother . I would argue that it is infinitely preferable to have any gaps in child care covered by a grandparent than a child minder as long as gp is kind, loving and responsible.

You don't really need a solicitor for this. Fill in the C100 from The hmcts website, complete by following the instructions and set up some mediation by contacting mediation service in your area. You have to attempt mediation before court. Your ex may refuse- that doesn't matter as you need to 'attempt' it. The cost is £100 each on average. If refused then go to court. (The cost for this is £215). In court set out clearly how you propose to care for your daughter and why this is in her best interests. Always put her interests first.
If ex agrees to mediation then you reach an agreement there that is rubber stamped by the court.
Good luck . I hope you end up with the best arrangements for her.

Slightlymisplaced and smallereveyday...that's great information and much appreciated as is everyones