Is this normal behaviour?

[Ginghampanther]

I was just reading another thread about porn use which prompted me to ask this question which has been playing on my mind for the past few weeks but isn’t something I feel comfortable bringing up with anyone IRL.

Ex DP and I have two DC aged 2 and 3. He usually spends weekends with us while i work and occasionally we’ll go out as a family even though we’re not a couple anymore.

A few weeks ago I came back home and everyone was upstairs, I headed up to say hello and found him masturbating in my room. Children were in the next room playing. I shouted hello and he quickly zipped up so I don’t think he knew I’d seen. I’ve nothing against masturbation, but personally wouldn’t do it when my DC could walk in any minute.

Second thing is, we were on one of our quite rare family days out at a kids amusement park type place. There were two young women wearing tight leggings. Ex DP takes out his phone and snaps a picture of their bums. Again I haven’t mentioned anything.

Is this normal behaviour? Personally as we’re not together anymore it doesn’t really affect me apart from him being the father of my young DC.

Are you SERIOUSLY asking if this is normal? Like...you don't know?

I can't quite believe it. But just in case you're for real....this is not normal and you should not let that man into your home alone again.

No it isn't normal, and it's a shame you have such a low opinion of the rest of men.

It's completely disrespectful to be cracking one off in YOUR BEDROOM when he's meant to be having time with HIS children. I'd not let him in my house alone again. Why can't he have them at his place?

And by taking photos of random women's bums, he's proved he's a total and utter creep. Vile man. Glad you're not together.

The first one isn’t normal but the second one is off the chart not normal. The brazen nature of this guy makes me wonder what he’s up to in private.

Oh just re-read and twigged it’s not even his bedroom, you’re separated and it’s yours - again also off the chart..

Ew... you're fine with him having a wank in YOUR BEDROOM while his kids are in the next room?

As for the public perving... revolting.

You know this is not normal.

Thank you. That’s what I thought. And honestly after being with this man for years and another ummm ‘troubled’ man for years before that I don’t actually know what’s normal so that’s why I had to ask.

I’ve already told him I’m not comfortable with him staying here any more so for now he’s just seeing the children in the day.

@GreenFingerWouldBeHandy I’m absolutely NOT fine with it, it made me feel sick tbh. Both of these things did. But I didn’t know if I was over reacting.

@ChristmasFluff he can’t have them at his because he tells me he’s living in a bedsit. I’m not sure if that’s true.

The DCs absolutely worship him, and he them back. I couldn’t ask for much more from him as a father. It’s just all the rest of it!

What's with the playing happy family to the point of him staying at yours looking after the children. Does he live under a bridge?

Then again, after demonstrating such vile behaviour, I'd be wary leaving the children in his care. Perhaps next time, he'd be shagging someone in your bed with innocent and oblivious children under same roof? Disgusting!

I couldn’t ask for much more from him as a father
Well you could ask him not to wank in your bedroom.
And certainly not to wank with his young DC in the next room.
He needs to respect your home and your space.
Not be off wanking in your rooms.

he can’t have them at his because he tells me he’s living in a bedsit

How would this prevent him having the kids?

Or is it just because he can't sneak off to another room to have a wank?

If he seriously can't control himself when he's looking after the kids, I'd find that really worrying to be honest.

I do feel relieved by your responses, this has been swirling in my head for weeks and you've validated that I'm not crazy for also thinking it vile!

He can't have the kids overnight as there is nowhere for them to sleep. If he doesn't stay here then he doesn't get as much time with them. So if I ask him not to stay here it's as though.. to him.. that I'm limiting his time with the DC, which is not my intention, I'm just not comfortable with him staying anymore, and in fact these two instances were the last straw that brought me to that conclusion. However I've just told him that I'm having trouble with the happy families bit when we're not and so I don't want to do that any more.

To come to visit the DC then go home to his place and back again the next day also doesn't work as he lives over an hour away so it's a lot of driving and petrol. I'm pretty isolated and have nobody else who can help me with childcare, so I'm pretty dependent on him so I can work weekends etc.

What a bizarre time to go for a wank in your room with kids about, yeh that's not normal ! 😂
It is definitely not normal to be taking pictures of random woman's arses when out with the kids!
Sounds like a right creepy pervert!

YOU are not limiting his time with them. HE is...by being a shit adult who can't even provide a second home for his kids.

Doesn;'t he work? If not that's HIS problem.

Many young children love the adventure of sleeping on pallets on the floor. Couldn’t he manage that? He could bring in a small plastic children’s table and two chairs, as well as having art supplies, games, and toys for them. They could go for walks, to the park, soft play areas, etc. He needs to parent his children away from your house.

He does always take them out, he teaches them quite a lot about the outdoors so that time he spends with them is really valuable. He does work too but I assume he must be on a low salary if he can only afford a bedsit.

But I agree, he does need to sort it out! I’m already wondering if I’m doing the right thing by not allowing him to stay any more, but starting this thread has helped.

There were two young women wearing tight leggings. Ex DP takes out his phone and snaps a picture of their bums

I am absolutely, utterly stunned that you actually ask if this is normal behaviour. I cannot fathom that you would even think this may be a normal part of men's behaviour. You must have a dad, brothers, male friends, colleagues etc and know well that they don't go around snapping pictures of women.

@MistressDeeCee my dad is dead, I have no brothers, I gave up my male friends for my ex partner 8 years ago and I work in an all female environment.

I know it probably sounds crazy that I need to ask to people who know men. I only know him. So I had to ask.

I suppose there are friends husbands etc but I don’t know them well and who knows what goes on behind closed doors? Everybody who meets my ex DP loves him!

@MistressDeeCee actually I need to add a thank you onto my last reply. I’m working a lot on getting over my last relationship and a lot of other things at the moment and I’m starting some therapy soon.. the fact that he is the only man I know and have nothing to compare his behaviour too could be important.

Is 8t the case he cannot or must not be inconvenienced in any way shape or form?
Light a fire under him

The wanking in your bedroom creepy and unnecessary and snapping pictures of strangers is next level rapey.

I wouldn't want him in the house to be honest.

What a revolting specimen

I would really be worried about what turned him on so much that he had to crack one out whilst looking after your kids.

Is he watching porn whilst looking after them?

No, it's far from normal. In fact, upskirting and the like are soon to be a crime, IIRC. He's a pervert.