9 mo baby, exhausted, spent couple.. help

[Ellsiedodah]

Hi all, I'm in need of inspiration please!

Me and my husband feel close to rock bottom at the moment. My husband lost one of his main jobs before Christmas which has put massive pressure on us financially. Our baby is going through a major regression which is exhausting us. I've been in a separate room dealing with the baby for months because my husband's snoring is so terrible I can barely sleep with ear plugs let alone put the multiple night wakings on his watch because of it (we tried in a better sleep phase but he has to be on monitor duty because I'm wearing plugs!). We haven't been properly intimate since I was mid pregnancy. My husband has about 6 stone to lose and was about to invest in a personal trainer when he lost his job and just can't find the motivation to get healthy himself. Life is just manageable because we adore our moments of being parents to our baby son and there is always the relief of a hearty evening meal in front of some telly to help us decompress - but this is hardly a vibrant healthy life!

We had hoped to be trying for a second baby now (my husband is already 42, I'm about to be 37) but as we burn through savings and my husband feels as though he'll never not be extremely tired ever again, I just don't know how we'll do it and it breaks my heart. Plus anyway my husband is on antidepressants.

I need to hear from others who were in a similarly low place and how they got through it?! I will not sleep train my baby so that's not a solution. My biggest concern is my husband's health - he's so overweight and yet loves cooking and eating a tasty meal which is one of the few things that bring light relief at the end of the day. I just don't know how to get through this. He's very strong willed and as we all know, people have to come to decisions to change themselves but I wonder what I can do.

Any suggestions welcome! Thanks so much x

Its hard with small babies but it wont last forever which is easy to say. ...

Re your DH’s weight there’s not much you can do other than encourage him - my DP is about 4/5 stone overweight and has been for many years, he does exercise a bit. A change has to come from him. He snores terribly (didnt when slimmer) so we cant sleep together. Its terrible when we go on holiday! Perhaps suggest cooking lower calorie recipes - we cook a lot from hairy bikers low fat books - you would never know they are lower in cals.

Perhaps lots of power walks with the baby might help and perhaps help baby sleep too. I think having another baby would cause you so much further stress to be honest.

Thanks Lozzerbmc. Good tip on the recipe book :) Yes I agree, you have to let people reach these decisions by themselves. I just wish I could somehow make things easier.

You need to tackle the things you can change. If your dh feels the same he needs to also tackle the things he can change.

I like the idea of the cook books suggested above because he doesn't lose his cooking as relaxation.

Does your baby go down in the evening? Because you could go for a long walk in the evenings together if she does with her wrapped up in the buggy-she'll know no different to bed. If she doesn't, we'll the walk might help!

As for a vibrant life this is trickier with a small baby, but start with small things. Have you someone who could sit with the baby while you go out together for a couple of hours? Some time together is a great way to recharge your batteries as a couple.

Other than that PP is right, it will get easier just not tomorrow I'm afraid.

You're only 37, you have time to have a second. There are many many late 30s, early 40s mum's around. The sleeping will improve in time, and you'll be in a better position to manage a second child should you still want to have them.