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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel like i'm being unfaithful

14 replies

Sloooowprogress · 12/03/2019 00:17

I'm not in a relationship, never mind serious. Certainly wouldn't want DC to know. Its just a bit of fun but first since exH. Well it would be fun if i didn't feel like i was cheating. Been separated years from ex but we have a lot of contact and i feel bad.

I can't bring myself to tell him as i think he'll feel hurt. Might also ruin the civility ive worked hard at. But instead i feel guilty and I'm worrying about not telling him.

OP posts:
Tweety1981 · 12/03/2019 00:22

You don’t have to tell him !

But have fun and don’t feel guilty ! It’s none of your ex’s business !

Original poster
Sloooowprogress · 12/03/2019 05:30

Thanks. Its probably silly to feel like this.

OP posts:
Wastedyear · 12/03/2019 05:45

I can relate completely. It took me a while after my divorce to feel I wasn’t cheating (even though I had been cheated on and ex was with the OW) You are obviously incredibly loyal as a partner and that’s a positive! It will pass...

Wastedyear · 12/03/2019 05:46

Instead of telling your ex about one person can you say something non-commital, like you’re beginning dating again?

Original poster
Sloooowprogress · 12/03/2019 06:41

I hadn't thought of that - might be a more sensible way of going about it.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 12/03/2019 06:45

How many years have you been separated?

Because 2 years is a lot different to 20!

Original poster
Sloooowprogress · 12/03/2019 06:49

2 years

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 12/03/2019 06:53

I can't bring myself to tell him as i think he'll feel hurt. Might also ruin the civility ive worked hard at. But instead i feel guilty and I'm worrying about not telling him.

Is your ex controlling?

Original poster
Sloooowprogress · 12/03/2019 07:06

Its more that his mood is a bit changeable. Mostly we get on well. The worry is more likely to be something I'm putting on myself, a bit of a hangover from the guilt of leaving (mostly i know the guilt is misplaced).

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 12/03/2019 07:08

Why would you telll him?

BorsetshireBlew · 12/03/2019 07:08

I felt like that for ages! It was a hangover from the emotional abuse and headgames. Finally since he got a new partner I now have no guilt about dating! Crazy

Original poster
Sloooowprogress · 12/03/2019 07:27

Why would you tell him?
Really not sure. Feels like a guilty secret.

OP posts:
ConfCall · 12/03/2019 10:59

You don't need to tell him until you decide to introduce someone to the DC (because presumably you want him to hear from you not from DC).

Original poster
Sloooowprogress · 12/03/2019 19:28

No plans to introduce someone new to DC while they're young.
I suppose I thought telling him was respectful. In hindsight it might be about me accepting we don't need to know what's going on with each other.

OP posts:
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