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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

No sexual attraction

19 replies

confusedtwenty · 12/03/2019 00:11

I’m currently with someone who would do anything for me but there is no sexual attraction. An ex partner has popped up whereby there was so much sexual chemistry but he is now ready for a relationship where previously he couldn’t make time for me. What should I do the guilt is too much

OP posts:

Original poster

confusedtwenty · 12/03/2019 00:12

Help!!

OP posts:

CatAndHisKit · 12/03/2019 00:23

well don't you feel guilty not fancying him / leading him on? That's apart from yourself being trapped. No brainer!

Original poster

confusedtwenty · 12/03/2019 00:25

Yes I feel very guilty. Is it worth the jump from safe to the unknown?

OP posts:

bumpertobumper · 12/03/2019 00:30

It is not an either/or situation.
Each should be assesed separately, not in comparison to each other.

It sounds from the little info given that neither of these men are right for you.

LellyMcKelly · 12/03/2019 00:47

If you’re not attracted to someone you’re not attracted to someone. Do the right thing and finish with him first, then decide what you want to do.

SkinnyPete · 12/03/2019 03:52

How old are you? Same as your name?

Original poster

confusedtwenty · 12/03/2019 06:18

Yes

OP posts:

bigchris · 12/03/2019 06:21

At your age I'd go for passion every time

Original poster

confusedtwenty · 12/03/2019 06:31

I make excuses not to do things with him but he gets on with my family which is important to me

OP posts:

category12 · 12/03/2019 06:38

Bachelor number one is what's usually known as a friend.

You'll end up fucking things up by cheating on him or being mean to him in the end, because you don't feel the right things for him for him to be your boyfriend. Be brave and end things amicably, and maybe you can have the friendship back at some point.

You're too young to settle for that, (everybody is too young to settle for that) . Have some fun. Date people.

Endofmyteather2206 · 12/03/2019 08:54

How long have you been with your current partner ?

Singlenotsingle · 12/03/2019 09:04

Finish with the man that doesn't attract you sexually. What's the point staying with him just because he's a nice person? Then consider Mr Sexy...he might not be right either. You're all too young to be looking for a lifetime partner. You should be enjoying yourselves just browsing.

Original poster

confusedtwenty · 12/03/2019 09:21

Ive been with my current partner for about 2 and bit months. He’s quite forward wanting to take me away which we are soon. I just feel like I’m going with the flow. Trouble is he’s probably the nicest person I’ve ever met. But when we do stuff sexually I can’t wait for it to be over.

OP posts:

Lozzerbmc · 12/03/2019 09:41

Hello theres no point being with someone you don’t find attractive. Let him down gently and move on.

ConfCall · 12/03/2019 10:56

I was in your shoes but stupidly I married him. Ridiculous mistake. I strongly advise finishing with your boyfriend and then (cautiously) seeing where things go with the other guy.

Deletemyname30 · 12/03/2019 11:03

Stop! I tired to do the same thing...sounds exactly the same. Was with him for about 2 months and cringe sooooo much I went there

Michaelbaubles · 12/03/2019 11:07

At two months in you should be ripping clothes off not gritting your teeth! There is such a thing as a slow burn but if you’re cringing and wishing it was over then that’s not ever going to happen.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 12/03/2019 11:46

Let him go it will only cause issues in the future.

CatAndHisKit · 12/03/2019 21:35

with respect 'the nicest man I"ve ever met' when you are 20 just shows lack of experience - you WILL meet other nice men who like you.

Also only 2mnth is not a long term or secure r-ship - you just don't know. Afetr 2 months it shouldn't be too hard to split up and save him from misery if you break up after a longer period - which you will eventually!

Flip