Not finding him at all attractive, got to know him/fell in love with his personality and he is now super attractive???

[WWNeeko]

Is this normal!? I had a friend at work, definitely did not find him attractive at all... really got to know him over a year, then started seeing him romantically and now he is just the most attractive person ever to me. My mum says I'm actually mean and if I didn't originally find him attractive shouldn't really be with him??? Is it really bad that I originally never found him attractive?

I don't think its mean, i think it shows that you value his personality and that you aren't shallow. If your happy with him and your relationship then that's all that matters

Welcome to the long haul

15 years on I still shock myself whenever I look at the boy who was my 'sort of boyfriend" and suddenly think, "Oh where did that stubble/bicep/emptying the bin appear from?!"

I think it's a good sign, initial infatuation likely to fizzle out etc etc, not mean at all.

I think it's a good thing.
How many times are there posts saying I don't fancy my OH because of weight gain/hair loss/beard growth etc?
I think my DH is the sexiest man in the world and have for a long time (been together 10 years).
Since we've been together I have put on a lot of weight, had 2 babies, had my head shaved (bad bleaching accident left me with nothing), had every colour, cut and style and he still finds me gorgeous.
Initial attraction is nice, but being able to build a close relationship that isn't solely based on looks is probably better. Ive never felt so secure and loved.

That was me. Been with dh for over 25 years now and still fancy the pants off him although wouldn’t have believed it on the initial meeting and working together for a while.

Works the other way round too: meet someone very good looking, then they start talking ... and all of a sudden they just don't seem that attractive anymore !

Your relationship sounds great, wouldn't take what your mum has said to heart.

There's a (sexist) saying that men fall in love with who they are attracted to while women become attracted to the man they love.

I don't stay with DP for his looks, it's his personality that keeps me smiling.

However he fell asleep last night on the sofa and I, as I was creepily watching him, it struck me that he's actually hotter now than when we first met. Although this could be because he's just down brave the shave, and he seems to really suit stubble instead of a full beard :D

Omg so many typos, sorry.

I've been up for an hour and a half already :(

Happens to me all the time. The more I like someone, the more attractive they become to me.
I've dumped a hot /good-looking one for a lovely nerd before. I had a recent crush on a not conventionally attractive man recently, he got more better looking the more we got to know each other.

I think it's quite normal tbh

is your mum usually this daft?

It happened to me. Reader, I married him

This happened to a close friend of mine. I think she even referred to him as ugly once! (Back in the very early days.) They’ve been married for 15 years now.

Being good looking is not the same as being attractive

Totally normal. I actually can't find someone attractive until I know what they're like - I've never understood one night stands! Happens with people I'm not romantically attracted to as well - e.g. I think all my friends are beautiful but it's because I know they are lovely people.

IME attraction happens after you've got to know their personality.

On the spot physical attraction has led me into two rubbish relationships.

I knew my DH for years before we got together, many nights out in our group and never so much as a second glance at him - if anything I thought he was a bit funny looking and a twat. I still have no idea how, but we ended up kissing on a night out, he asked to go for food the next day - I didn't know it was a date, I went out with male friends all the time and thought we were just hanging out, he literally had to spell it out for me it was a date when we left . Still didn't fancy him but liked his company and had nothing to lose. I tried it out for a couple of months, we got along fab but still wasn't feeling the chemistry so cooled it off; then out of no where it hit me like a train. It was literally overnight I realised I was head over heels for him and fancied the pants off him - I still feel like that now 5 years in, probably fancy him even more (dad bod and greys help). I think that slow burn really helped, I've had other relationships where I've fancied them immediately and were very passionate early on but always died quickly (and I stopped fancying them when I got to know their personalities properly).