I've just snapped but I don't know if I'm over reacting.

[FirstNameTiredLastNameAlways]

I don't know if I'm just fed up of DP in general and feeling resentful of his life or if I genuinely have a point.

Background: We live together, we both work (him part time and earns around £50-£60k per annum, has his own business) and I work full time, study a part time degree and work 30 miles away from home. I'm exhausted and skint.

He doesn't help much around the house, he'll wash the pots but that's about it. He does take me a out a lot and pays for nice holidays...

An argument has erupted tonight because he leases a posh car with the minimum mileage but uses my battered old Fiesta to save his mileage and petrol on his own car. He used to put petrol in, but not anymore.

So he goes to take my car to pop down the road and to the shops and I say "yeah sure, can you just use it for the shop though? I've put £80 in petrol since last Sunday"

Next minute, he says right I'll never fucking ask again, I won't take it and is being generally really stubborn... now I'm feeling bad because he does pay for a lot of meals but we split the bills completely equal! I earn £18k and I'm broke. I've had a really stressful day and have an increasing work load each day...

You’re not being unreasonable. Until I went on maternity leave I out earned my husband by a substantial amount so we split the bills proportionately to our respective salaries. Now I’m on mat leave he pays more.

Your partner is taking the piss.

And him getting angry at you? Fuck that. He’s just doing it to stop you making him pay his way. He thinks he’s better than you.

So I guess you have to decide whether being taken out lot and being brought on nice holidays is worth the day to day drudge and resentment.

Who pays the rent/mortgage, food shop and the rest of the household expenses?

How would he feel if you were the high earner and he was on £18K?

So to summarise, you work full time, study part time, do the lions share of housework and pay a proportionately higher amount out of your wages to ensure bills are split.

He works part time, does very little around the house and uses your car to avoid paying petrol/using mileage on his? The trade off being you go for dinner and holidays?

Frankly, it does sound unequal. How you split your money is one thing, but if he pulled his weight in the house you might find you're less exhausted. Also, given your wage difference if he uses you car he can at least give you petrol money.

Yanbu. I hope your share of the bills is proportionate

You're paying too much towards bills for a start. It should be proportionate to your wages in order to be fair and each have a few quid for yourselves after bills/joint savings towards holidays etc are covered. I'd take this as an opportunity to discuss your finances.

I work full time (40 hours) and study at uni for 12 hours, plus the additional time at home for research/assignments/reading.

We split the bills equally, he may buy extra food but I buy all toiletries.

I just can't stop crying now.

He doesn't help much around the house, he'll wash the pots but that's about it.

So he doesn't do his share of the stuff you have to do in life as an adult?
It's not " helping out" - it's not your job to do which he occasionally assists with.It's stuff which you both are responsible for which should be shared,and IMO if he is working part time and you are working full time he does more at home.
And why are you sharing bills 50/50 if he earns 3x what you do??
Though if you are splitting 50/50 he should be paying half of your car costs and petrol as he obviously looks on it as a "family" asset.
It's not love if you are happy for your partner to be knackered and skint when you could easily help with both,it really isn't.

I do the majority of the house work, all cleaning, ironing and washing.

He did help out with insurance last year and does give me some towards big expenses that are rare such as a smashed phone screen.

Next minute, he says right I'll never fucking ask again

The correct answer to this is: Ok, no problem.

God he is taking the piss. It should be split relative to your salaries so him 80% you 20%.

Not really much of a partner, is he...

He is not acting in any way like a partner. You’re basically a housekeeper as well as working more than him and studying. He’s taking the absolute piss.

Tell him you can’t hack it anymore and from now on everything will be paid proportionally based on income and he has to do half of all housework. That’s the very least that’s fair. Don’t let him get away with treating you like this.

What are you getting out of this relationship?

I see what he gets out of it: a free housekeeper, a holiday companion, a way to save a shitload of money. What about you? What's in it for you?

Have you posted about him before?

Poor you, their is no team in your partnership you are worth so much more.

Given your comment to him about the petrol, if he is a normal nice man, he will have gone out and filled the tank for you then come home with a bunch of flowers, tidied the kitchen and apologised for being thoughtless while giving your feet a rub as you have a snuggle on the sofa.

That would be a normal reaction from a partner who cares but has been a bit thoughtless.

You are being treated like a servant. There to make his life easier.

I can't believe he's not embarrassed with the money split. I couldn't be with a stingy man, I really couldn't. Very unattractive quality.

So, bills should be proportionate to income. Housework should be proportionate to free time, not genitalia.

Add to that, he seems unkind.

Yeah, pp asked - what exactly are you getting out of this relationship?

What would you do if you were working part time and your partner was working full time, earning 1/3 of what you did as well as studying?

Equally as in 50/50?
And he earns 3x what you do?

You've already got a lot of work in employment and at uni - that's a very heavy workload without having this sort of nonsense to think about when you come home. Someone whose only purpose in life seems to be to give you washingand cleaning to do and drain your finances. You could do without that extra stress.

So he’s basically like a flat mate rather than a partner? What a twat! Get rid!!

You work full time and study on top. He works part time. Yet you do all the housework? Well stop that right this very second!