Separated 15 months - trying to sort finances ahead of divorce

[Freefalling123]

Long backstory under this username, but basically separated from H in November 2017 (that's when we told DC/I signed tenancy) and I moved out early Jan 18. I moved as was easier, I didn't want to stay in the house (bad memories) and it was just better that way (although I know not normally recommended).

He met someone new in June, told me and DC in November - and it's moved on fast. Again, old posts show this story if you want to read!

I still pay towards the mortgage on the house, which we still jointly own. I pay half. Plus obvs pay my own rent, bills etc. in my rental house. We share DC (both teens) pretty much 50/50. I'm the higher earner, but not a huge amount of difference - he has his own business so he takes extra as and when.

New GF has pretty much moved in from what DC have told me. She's not there 100% - but always when they aren't there, but now is also staying the night sometimes when they are (he promised this wouldn't happen, but there we go!). I know from DD that there are her clothes in the wardrobe, toiletries, etc. and from friends locally that her car is regularly outside overnight. Probably because she lives with her parents following divorce. They've also redecorated and bought new furniture, curtains etc. - as DD has been taken shopping for these bits with both her dad and GF!

My question is - WIBU (I can't face asking in AIBU) to stop paying towards the mortgage given she must be contributing somehow, or could do (she's certainly buying food etc.) - it's £300pm i could really use, given I am paying my own rent and all my own costs. Or is that morally /legally wrong to stop?

We are reasonably amicable now, and have agreed to divorce in Nov when the 2 years is up (although technically i could do it now for adultery!) - and I have said he can stay in the house until DD is 18 (3 yrs) unless he wants to sell or can buy me out beforehand.

Thanks

The best advice you could take is to see a solicitor and to advise your ex to do the same. Then armed with some good advice both agree to mediation to sort out the money.

My view on the short term issue of the house is that you both it but only one of you lives in it. Your ex gets the benefit and you get the cost. Assuming a 50/50 scenario, then he should be paying for the benefit. That would be assumed to be net situation. You both retain a 50% interest in the house. Buts that my view and the issue is whether he will accept that or be advised to accept it.

But the bottom line is that you need to get divorced, use unreasonable behaviour and keep it the right side of civil. You also need to agree the finances. I would expect him to buy you out now if he wants to stay there. I don't see why he would wait 3 years as it most likely to cost him more then. House price inflation being higher than wage inflation. But again thats my view and one you can address in mediation.

Thanks Lemon. I'm trying to stay amicable as it's a lot easier (tbh he's been so much nicer since he met GF) - and I know I do need to see a solicitor - I saw one 18 months ago when I wanted to separate to get an understanding of what was possible, but you're right, I need to re-visit.