Parenting Marriage /stay together for the kids.

[Lookingforhappiness]

Hello , is anyone in one of these or knows anybody who is ?
My partner and I have been together since school although we seperated 6 months ago. Since the separation we are getting on a lot better and everything is very amicable. He stays for tea one night a week and has the kids every other weekend. Neither of the children seems hugely affected and we've settled into a lovely routine.
However, this isn't sustainable long term due to financial reasons. My (ex?) partner is living with his parents an hour and a half away so commuting into work everyday is quite tiring for him. He is still paying the mortgage on our house until the fixed rate is up at the end of the year and we will then decide to sell. I work as a relief dinner lady at my eldests school so don't earn enough to buy my own house at this point. I feel bad that the kids are missing out on holidays etc and things have become very tight but still manageable with the maintenance payments and benefits.
There is no way our romantic relationship will ever be the same again , we tried for years to get intimacy back and going out for meals , talking to each other and there is just nothing there romantically. What is there however is mutual love and respect as parents of our 2 wonderful children. It seems silly to throw all that stability and way of life away for the kids just because we are no longer in love.
I'm just looking for advice from anyone who has/is in one of these relationships. I've ordered a book called The New I Do which looks like it will be helpful but any first hand experience would also be good. :)

OP I agree with MaybeDoctor about accessing further training. Have you heard of AAT (Association of Accounting Technicians)? You sound so sensible and together I think accountancy may be a good fit (!), and there are lots of office jobs where this qualification is much in demand. For many people I've encountered, the AAT qualification has been a life-changer.

You have clearly given it a lot of thought and both on same page. You are clearly loving parents. I think if you set firm boundaries and have the 5 year review thats good. My concern is the complication of a new relationship say if you or DH met someone and wanted to set up home with them....? Wishing you the best and truly hope it works for you

If you do decide to do this you both need to sign yourself up to NOT DATING.

Its so potentially damaging to a single person to meet, have sex and fall in love with a 'single person' who actually still shares a bed (are you mad) with their ex.

Any person with any semblance of good boundaries and healthy self esteem would run a country mile from that on the first date.

You saying 'if something got serious then we'd talk about it shows such a disregard for the feelings of any potential future partner.

The only way this could work is if you both decide to commit to being singke until the kids leave home.

I know you feel like you've answered this already but the reason so many people keep bringing it up as a problem is that it Will Be A Problem.

No maybedoctor I didn't take offence , I was just confused but I understand now. I'll look into office based work. I'm absolutely atrocious on a computer and can't work excel or anything like that haha. I haven't heard of AAT cassettesarecool is it free to complete ? Lozzer thanks for the best wishes.
Chesty I'm pretty sure it would be made clear to any future partner what the situation was before any sex or falling in love happened. If our situation scared off any decent person as you say it will, then staying single for the duration is fine. It would be made crystal clear to anybody we met what they were getting into , nobody would be under any illusions.
Our children and their stability is at the front of our minds right now and anything else is secondary. We need to gain more financial security , equity in the home , increase my earnings etc. The children will always come first for both of us, even if we meet new partners and it still isn't financially viable to divorce.

Here is a link for AAT costs: accountancylearning.co.uk/knowledge_bank/how-much-does-it-cost-to-become-aat-qualified/

Good luck OP!

Thank you !

If you can MN and use a computer well enough to get a degree, then you can definitely do office work! Perhaps look at some ‘Excel for beginners’ tutorials on YouTube or some online IT courses as a first step? But most importantly, you have a) a high level of literacy and b) your head screwed on. There are a lot of people applying for office jobs who have neither!

I would also suggest speaking to the headteacher and just asking their advice. They might be interested in moving you into a TA role (perhaps slightly better pay?) or know of training opportunities via the local authority.

Would you have separate bedrooms?

Snog - no not at first , we are looking to buy a 4 bed.
Maybedoctor thank you so much , I'm going to try and get my head around excel first. I imagine it won't be long before my son has to do this sort of thing in IT at school and it would be good if I had some idea hahaha. I have to admit though that I failed maths which might be a sticking point for office work ? I got an E for GCSE and have tried a few times over the years to resit but can't do it. I got As in English Language and Lit but can't for the life of me do maths. I'm great at budgeting and take control of our finances and savings but only because I have a calculator on me all the time lol.