Sorry this is going to be a long one, I’m currently getting divorced at the young age of 29. We were together for 12 years, married less than 13 months when he told me he didn’t love me anymore and moved out 2 days later.. there was no OW but he has since met someone at a mutual friends party 3 weeks after leaving me and seems to have landed on his feet once again and not had any time on his own. We don’t have any children, however he’s made comments that if I had a child with him earlier he wouldn’t have left me...
I have days where I just can’t take him off some stupid pedestal I’ve put him on, so I guess I’m writing this thread for some reassurance that he was a shite husband and I’m not just trying to pretend to myself he was!? Our biggest issue was communication, we were just shite at it. I thought we were happy but he told me the day he left that he hadn’t been happy for 6 months and didn’t know why but was leaving me because I deserved better and one day I’d see he did me a favour (standard runaway husband lines it seems)
I guess I’m blaming myself at the moment for not realising he was unhappy and not being given the chance to fix things.. there were things he did but I guess because we were together since I was 17.. I assumed these were perhaps normal ...
- Lied to me on numerous occasions, told me he was working when he was playing golf (i’d like to point out I’m not controlling and didn’t even mind him playing golf so can’t even understand the need to lie about this!)
- Lied about money, would tell me he had got a few parking tickets at work and that’s why he was borrowing £30 from the joint account as he had no money for food and then i’d find out he had spent hundreds on golf or fishing equipment (again if he had the money then spend it on what you want but don’t take money from a joint bill account because you’ve left yourself with no money to live!)
- Got a loan out for £2k behind my back for fishing equipment
- We went to a wedding together just before we broke up in June 2018, he ignored me all day (blamed me and said I ignored him) and I found out he had been sick through a friend (he blamed something he ate) so I went looking for him with my friend and was talking quietly to my friend about her ex partner when my husband appeared and started screaming at me for whispering about him (I wasn’t talking about him) and called me C**T and punched the wall.. he then sat on the floor crying and whenever I see this image in my head I feel sick and sad because I can’t help but think I caused it.. he moved out for a few days after this because I was so hurt by it all but called me daily and cried and he come home and we then went on holiday together and everything was good and he played the perfect husband and then left me 8 days after the holiday ... I can’t understand why he went through so much to get us back on track and for me to feel like I was finally getting the man I loved back to then leave me weeks later.
- Messaged me 3 weeks after he left me telling me I looked beautiful in my WhatsApp photo and how he missed me (I ignored it)
- We’ve been NC since just after new year now as I blocked everything but whenever he spoke to me he would tell me how amazing I am, how one day I will see he did me a favour and he would cry whenever we saw or spoke to each other but unable to even look at me...
- Called me up a few months after I found out about his new girlfriend (on a number I didn’t recognise) and told me how he still has a photo of me in his wallet and it’ll be there forever!? - this is just cruel because he took the photo out of his wallet and put it in my wedding card he wrote me and I carried it down the aisle and gave it back to him so he knows this would really choke me
I know I’m not perfect, there are things I am working on and this has really taught me a lot about myself but I do believe I was a good wife and partner.
Honestly I could go on and on but feel I’ve probably gone on enough! I guess I just need some reassurance that his behaviour is not normal and I’m not crazy to be so confused by it all. He was a good person and partner for a long time but it’s as if he changed overnight.
Please can someone confirm the above is not normal and that eventually with time (it’s only been 10 months) I’ll heal and will learn to trust again, right now I just can’t stop obsessing that he’s being the perfect boyfriend to his new girlfriend and I’m to blame for everything ... daft I know but just a battle I’m having right now! (I am seeing a counsellor to help with this)
Thanks in advance for reading this super long post x