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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need a handhold

9 replies

GremlinDolphin1 · 10/03/2019 21:28

There is much backstory to this as I am in the middle of getting divorced and have been in an emotionally abusive marriage for a long time. I finally filed for divorce before Christmas and we are just slogging through it.

Still living under the same roof with our two children (teenagers). This evening I was asleep on the sofa (Crufts wasn’t that exciting) and he called me into the kitchen to establish who had eaten 2 of the mini chocolate bars which were in the fridge - I asked the children and they had.

He then told me to tell them off as he had bought the bars for someone at work and no one should have touched them! I laughed at first and said I wouldn’t and am therefore a wicked selfish c* incapable of disciplining my children.

I followed him upstairs saying that this was s massive over reaction to his teenagers thinking he had bought chocolate for them by mistake. He went mad, pushed me, has taken and hidden my car keys, thrown a glass of water over me and snatched my glasses off and thrown them out of the window. I am shaking. He has just come upstairs and said I am wicked and selfish for what I have done to our family and marriage. It’s all so ridiculous and horrible and I feel very alone.

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 10/03/2019 21:42

What a bastard! He's absolutely fuming isn't he? You're going to start a new life without HIM and he can't bear it. Now...you could call the police you know. In fact, you absolutely should.

Worlds0kayestmum · 11/03/2019 13:27

How awful. How are you this morning? Can you call women's aid? I would be very concerned continuing to live under the same roof. You poor thing x

GremlinDolphin1 · 12/03/2019 07:55

Thank you for replying!

I’m ok, his behaviour just confirms everything and gives me motivation for the rather torturous divorce process. Xxx

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 12/03/2019 08:02

wicked selfish c*

sounds like the latest strapline for my twitter.

Joking aside OP, he sounds very abusive. Can you call WA or 101?

Musti · 12/03/2019 13:05

He's abusive and punishing you for daring to leave him. My ex was the same the last few months of living in the same house. Would come up with the most ridiculous stuff to have a go at me. I just either laughed or ignored him. I didn't engage.

user1486131602 · 12/03/2019 18:12

I'm really sorry to jump on your post, but I am really interested as to how you could stay in the same house? Logistics etc, I do not work, he does. If he's here I can't get benefits and he's stopped paying for things. He honestly believes that all our issues are my fault ( mental health issues and narcissist) I just want him gone. I am eaqually sorry to hear that someone else has the same issues. Stay strong, or he'll do the same again
and again

Musti · 12/03/2019 18:32

@user1486131602 if you are split you can claim benefits even if you're living together. Go to entitled.com to see how much you would get. Also try and look for a job and start making your life more independent.

Mumsymumphy · 12/03/2019 19:17

I do hope you're safe & Ok OP.
My exH also stayed in the house whilst we were splitting up (he cheated). It was awful. And that was without the emotional abuse you're suffering. He was however very nasty. For example, I'd take our dd to school with me to pick up my ds, out of the house for 15 mins maximum, he'd accuse me of 'stopping him from seeing her' - ehhhh he lived in the same house & was a useless dad anyway. He'd shout at me for getting upset, it was all just ridiculous.
This was going on for weeks & weeks, he had no intention of leaving.
It all came to a head one night (longer story, won't bore you with the details) but I messaged him and said, "Wherever you are don't bother coming home. My keys are in all the locks so you won't be able to get in anyway. If you come back and make a scene I WILL phone the police and they WILL force you to stay somewhere else' (he reckoned I couldn't chuck him out as he had nowhere to go, we were married but just my name on tenancy agreement as i had the house before i met him). He didn't come back. He never spent another night under that roof. Don't know why I didn't do it sooner tbh.

As pp have said, please get help. Phone the police, be strong, this does not have to continue. I hope you're ok, please keep us updated. It's hell right now but there's a better life just around the corner x

user1486131602 · 12/03/2019 20:58

Thank you musti, I had no idea I could claim!
I have been on long term sickness for 15 yrs with my own issues, broken bones, arthritis etc plus depresssion. Our deal was that I would stay home and raise our kids ( didn't know I had a man child as well! ) and he would work to support us. That didn't last long, he has had complete breakdowns at least 6 times in 20yrs, loosing his job, we ran up massive debts coz we couldn't pay, we nearly evicted etc, etc.....this last time it happened I couldn't help, just had nothing left, and not wanting to bear my soul on here, there were lots of other family issues
( mainly his family) so they had to deal with it this time and have thrown insults after insults at me coz I didn't help ( not couldn't). Most of the major problems I have hidden from him as we were always walking on eggshells till next time. I feel like I'm dead inside. He had a massive rant (Swearing) starting at 1.30am til 3.30am. Then the next day went out socialising like nothing happened!
The kids kept me up til 1.30am crying and telling me how this has made them feel...the never ending circus as one of them put it. The other told me it made them feel like it their fault.

There was the end of it.
Seen dr today for my health, blah blah, and to get things on record. Women's aid tomo for advice and direction and if I have to ill serve papers citing abuse to get him out. It's one thing when you choose to become immune and it's another if it's making your child suffer.
Thank you again for your advice musti, most appreciated xx

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