5 days ago. work colleague. mutual attraction and flirting. hes married and has 3 kids, 15 years older than me. im engaged and have 1 dc.
we were talking on messenger every night for 2 hours. during the day here and there too. we agreed to just be friends as we didnt want to hurt anybody....but i knew sitting there talking to him all night was wrong. the chat was usually jokes shared, work talk, spoke about our interests, our kids and even our partners. i cant even say it was deep emotional stuff but friendly banter but we knew we were attracted to one another.
he told me one time he didnt think his marriage would last but wants to work at it. hes quite private and doesnt discuss such things, just that one brief time. he told me he was falling for me once but has never said anything about it again since, even when asked.
one night he didnt come on messenger, said he fell asleep. i was sat staring at my phone all night, grumpy and also worrying that he was with his wife and getting jealous..and i thought to myself im uttetly pathetic, sitting waiting for this so called friend. letting him consume me. always available to him. distancing myself away from my dp so i can do this....its wrong. all wrong.
so i ended it. told him how i felt about him. told him im a threat to my reltionship and his marriage, his children. my child. told him i cant be friends with someone i have strong feelings for. he didnt say he felt the same which stung...he just said he understood and will always be here for me.
im hurting. im pining. part of me thinks ive done the right thing and i deserve to feel this shame and hurt.
..the other part wants him to message me and confess he loves me. i dont know why....i think i just invested so much time and energy into him that i wish i had meant more to him.
my dp knows. thats a whole other thread. his wife doesnt know.
im not asking for anything really. experiences and stories from others would be appreciated. words of advice....reassurance that i did the right thing..