Relationship just ended for good

[ImpracticalJoke]

Hello everyone, I have been an avid reader of mumsnet for a couple of years now but this is my first time posting. Sorry if it's such a long post. I've seen how you all support each other and give each other lots of advice and in my hour of need I wanted to give it a try.

On Friday night my partner came home from work and told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't want to be with me anymore. He proceeded to pack a bag and go stay with a friend.

We met when we were 16 and soon started seeing each other. He was the love of my life. We split up a couple of times over the next 5 years but even then, we'd still end up spending time together. I then got pregnant at 21 with our first child and we moved in together. I'm not saying it was perfect. We've had our ups and downs and been through so much together but always made it through. Fast forward 16 years later with two more children (13 & 11) and this has now happened.

Over the last few weeks I have had a kind of intuition that something wasn't right. Things just felt different. I suspected something was coming. We have talked and I do know that we are just not in love with each other anymore despite how much we do still care for each other. He's been always snapping and just seemed irritated by me and I just stopped trying, put no effort into our relationship. I just felt "what's the point?"

We broke the news to the children yesterday and it was the worst day of my life. We are struggling. I'm feeling so many emotions and I can't stop crying.
I keep thinking of all the things he'd do that would just me happy, just him dancing round the kitchen. I feel hurt and like I'm a failure. I feel angry that he has put our children through this. I feel a weight lifted that he was brave enough to do the right thing.

We haven't fallen out. We still care deeply for one another and he said he truly thinks of me as his best friend. And that is what we have become, best friends. But dealing with my own emotions and the kids is so so hard I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

Even if no one reads this or reply's it has helped to write this down.

If you do read it, thank you for taking the time to do so.

Oh op I have been there too and it's hard. My dc were similar ages too and had no idea it was coming. At the moment it's a huge shock but I promise that time will help. For my two over the first year their Dad and I were still very much friends and this helped them enormously.

It took a while to get used to living alone but after 3 years now I love it. The dc and I make a good team and they are both happy enough. My exh met somebody and moved further away which Dd found tough but has got used to it now.

Be kind to yourself, it will take time to heal. If you know it was the right thing to do this will help you enormously. Much love x

I’m going through a similar thing, me and my DH have been having problems and I felt like we would work through it but he left Saturday morning. I think it’s the rejection that I feel like he doesn’t love me enough to work through it.

People will tell you it will be ok and it truly will but this is the worst stage, especially if you still love them. Try keep busy and find time for yourself xx

People change and I would think you grew up far quicker than he did. He has chosen to bail here and what he has done actually is no direct reflection on you.

I would clarify all arrangements re the property, finances and children asap. He may have left you (and I do wonder if he has actually met another woman to now be with) but he is still financially responsible for his children as well as well as their emotional wellbeing.

NASA - your man showed you by both word and deed that cannabis was more important to him. You were at home night after night on your own because he prioritised cannabis over your relationship, his primary relationship was and is still with this drug.

@boredboredboredboredbored Thank you. I just wish I could fast forward a couple of years so the grieving is all out of the way and we're settled in new routines. It's nice to hear that it does get better. I hope I can be the one saying that in the future.

@NASA20 I'm the same. We fell out of love but I'm hurt that he didn't even want to try at the relationship and see if we could fall back in love. We're both to blame though. I'm going through so many emotions my head is spinning. I hope things turn out right for you and that you're doing ok.

@AttilaTheMeerkat There 100% isn't anyone else involved. He is a decent man and would never do that to his children despite the situation we are now in. He's made the right choice. We could have stayed together and ended up hating each other and that's no good. Even though it is the right thing to do I do sometimes agree with what you have said, he has chosen to bail on the relationship. Thank you, I'm going through moments of blaming him then blaming myself but you're right, it's not a direct reflection on me. I will keep trying to tell myself that.
He is being great with everything, we're working out the money together as we go along. We have our own bank accounts and we're not married nor do we own a property, we rent. So it's an easier situation than most. We're even setting the kids up with bank accounts so he can transfer them money when needed. He is a very very good dad.