When do you know?

[Thatbloodycat16]

When do you know enough is enough or just another “rough patch”?

We seem to have more rough patches than smooth at the moment but we always come through. But I’m so tired of it all and a few times I’ve wondered if it’s worth calling it a day and ending the marriage.

What keeps me going and fighting is the children and the fact that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. But also wonder how much longer this is feasible also. Very sad it’s come to tbh

It depends on how rough the rough patches are and what causes them. I have never considered leaving my DH but I think if I did seriously consider it then that's when I would know the relationship was over.

Just because " the grass isn't always greener on the other side" isn't a good enough reason to stay when the bad outweighs the good.

The grass might not be greener but maybe it can be made greener. If the grass is dead on the current side, then maybe the risk is worth it. The sooner you go there and start watering it, the better. Waiting years for things to improve or the children to grow up makes it less and less viable for either of you to rebuild your finances and life.

What are these rough patches and what are you both doing to avoid them.

When you stop caring. I knew it was the end when I stopped caring about whether we got through this rough patch or not. And leaving made me realise that the grass absolutely isn't greener, it's just different grass. Maybe you'll find you preferred your old grass, maybe you'll love the new grass.

Only you know your limit OP but ultimately this is your one life and if despite your efforts it isn't making you completely happy then only you have the power to change that, be it throwing your energy into fixing the relationship (but you can't fix it alone) or accepting that you need to move on. Good luck x

If you aren’t sure, find a good counsellor and talk to them. They can be so helpful.

We just had another blazing row about something small but it escalated and he’s said all I do is lie and that I’m abusive as I shout a lot when I’m cross. I’m just exhausted of not knowing if it will be a good or bad day

You can't go on like this. If you are rowing about small things but they escalate, there are obviously underlying reasons. You have to try to talk, when you're both calm, and find out what both your issues are.

Maybe do the thing where you have a timer, and each person is allowed to talk for 5 minutes, without interruption. You can then get it all out.

Are your arguments about the same things and why aren't they getting resolved?

Often the same thing unfortunately. I’m so fed up. We’ve talked about stuff before and it gets better for a while then goes crap again