Not sure what to do :(

[Cam90]

Hi,

I am a single guy of nearly 38, so sorry if anyone gets offended by me posting here I am just feeling pretty crappy.

Basically when I was in my early 20s I didn't work, socialise or study for around six years. I dug myself out of the hole, started working and brought an investment house.

I am now nearly 38, but so stuck and feel hopeless. I have my own flat, friends (i dont see them loads as we get older but they are really solid friends) and a good family. I think people generally think i am an ok guy, not bad looking.

BUT

I find life a struggle. I had long term psychotherapy and the therapist basically suggested I was scared to grow up.

I find myself far too much returning to my parents house, where I am looked after. When they go to my home, they do the washing etc.

I cannot cope with work at the moment, i have handed my notice in at my current job with nothing to go to because i cannot handle it anymore. I have started applying for other jobs and am lucky where I am the job market is really good.

I try therapy it dosent seem to work. I am lucky on many levels but struggle so much with anxiety (taking meds) but never had a girlfriend and I would have loved to have had a family of my own.

I am not sure what I am asking for really, just wanted to get it off my chest.

Fantastic suggestion by AuntMarch re. Rota for cleaning.

I think you have something akin to imposter syndrome, you have no faith in your decision making and ability as an adult.

Your parents haven't done you any favours to be honest as they've enabled your incompetence.

I think you need to switch your medication and get your house organised as a starting point, in steps then keep on top of it.

Once the house is sorted how do you feel about getting a pet? You need to step out of this role of being cared for and into the role of carer/provider and see that actually you are capable.

There is going to come a point in life where you can't fall back on your parents anymore so you need to change your mentality now. No one is going to swoop in and rescue you, it's something you need to do for yourself.

Just to add - it's never too late, but you must take steps in the right direction if you want a change.

Yes, I like the rota idea, thanks.

I agree re decision making, I really struggle with this and ask for reassurance so much on things (has annoyed people in the past I think) but am getting better. I was in quite a bad way in my early 20s so perhaps did not develop that sense of being capable that others develop at that age.

Pet doesn't work (but good suggestion) as I live in an apartment and cannot really have one under my ownership regs. When I spend time with my nephew I am definitely a lot more focussed on him than myself as I am being a "provider" as you say.

Thanks to all for your advice, and sorry if I have not replied to all questions and points made, I appreciate you taking the time to post.

I will start with the cleaning rota and will go see my GP either tomorrow or Tuesday re medication. I can then look at other areas of my life that will improve my health and wellbeing eg meditation, more exercise etc.

'True anxiety' I think there's a lot of ways it can affect people and indifferent ways.

That's great that you spend time with your nephew, it will give you a lot of confidence. The more time you can spend with him the better.

I agree that if you were in a bad headspace in your 20s then the 'branching out on your own' stage has been missed which has obviously hindered you.

Good luck with changing your medication, you may find that you have to try a few to find a suitable drug.

You can do this op, it's never too late to find yourself a partner. You just need to prove to yourself that you are a capable person, once you believe that you'll flourish.

Small steps, and it won't seem insurmountable

Good luck 🌟🌈