How to move on...

[BE2BN2BE]

So, some of you may have read my original thread started back in November. Essentially I was pretty brutally dumped by text totally out of the blue after 16 months of a relationship. So, that was 17 weeks ago. I’ve not heard from him since and I’m getting there... albeit slowly. I still think of him constantly and ruminate over what was and what could have been. I had a bit of a break down on NYE and had a mega social media stalking session which left me a total and utter mess. Since that day I blocked him and haven’t check since. I’m still incredibly sad over the end of our relationship even though I know In the long run it’s for the best.
Anyway, my question is... how do I go back to London (where he is from) without wanting to burst into tears and have a panic attack? I’m in Brighton and when we were together we spent a chunk of our time together in south London (he’s from Battersea). Every time I see something advertised for London my stomach drops, I’ve got theatre tickets for April and I’m already feeling mega anxious about going. My sister told me last week she’s thinking of moving to Clapham and I burst into tears. Clapham was always where he met me from the train etc. It all sounds so pathetic I know, but does anyone have any advice on overcoming this? Thanks xx

Have you had any therapy? I think that would help you.

In terms of getting past the memories and association with him and certain places, you probably need more time but I also found creating new memories in those locations helped me. Going to a restaurant you've been to before with him but with a mate instead for example, yes you'll feel sad at first but it does work.

I absolutely agree with Richdeniro - make new memories and they will help "erase" the old ones.

For attending gigs etc, can you arrange to go with someone who you feel comfortable with opening up to and saying "I'm having a bit of a wobble because I came here last with my ex - if you see me looking vacant/sad, can you please nudge me in the ribs and just make some sort of conversation to bring me back down to earth?"

Thank you both. I was really scared for a bit that everyone’s answers would just be for me to get over it!
I’ve very much tried to repurpose places in Brighton that I associate with him. At Christmas I made my friends go to the pub where we had our first date because I needed new memories. It’s weird because I have been to London more without him than I ever did with him but I just can’t shake the anxiety.
I think therapy would be a good idea, I just don’t quite know where to start with it.

Here you go...

www.counselling-directory.org.uk/adv-search.html

Look for therapists that specialise in relationships. Find a few you like the look of and decide whether you'd prefer to see a man or a woman, age range so you can filter down by that and then email a few explaining you have had a breakup and you're having trouble moving on and getting over it along with any other issues. You'll soon find one you like the sound of and feel you can open up to, trust, etc.

I was like this with my ex. I had to make myself go back to place and re-own them as my own. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle, but by taking control and actively deciding to go and make new memories made it easier for me. A sort of inward fuck you?! But yes, get counselling too. Good luck

Oh darling. I’ve been where you are and it just takes time. Sometimes they will always be a part of your life and one thing I will tell you is that many years later I had that very same guy knocking on my door saying all the things I had wanted him to say, more than ten years later but you know what? The loss of him had utterly changed me into one mentally tough, shrewd woman. And although it was an ego boost and a relief to finally get answers, I wasn’t about to fall at anyone’s feet. Sending so many hugs though lovie x

I think time is the only thing that works here. I had the same thing with my ex, who I broke up with last summer. I couldn't even see street signs with the city he lived in written on them without feeling almost physical pain. Like you, it was a place I had been to without him many times but all I could associate it with was him. TV shows or films we watched together had the same effect. It lessened slowly over time and now I'm pretty much back to normal.

Be kind to yourself.