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Original poster

Brother needs old help

22 replies

purpleberry11 · 09/03/2019 11:23

My brother has been trying out o.l.d for 2 months, He is mid forties, average looking , slim , got a good body. Just a normal guy with a full head of hair.
He has got 2 children, who are 7 years old.
He has sent out about 50 messages , and not had 1 reply, I have read the messages and he just tells them about himself and comments about their interests.
Any ideas where he is going wrong, or is old just about validation.
Or is it because he has 2 children?

OP posts:
Squeegle · 09/03/2019 11:26

I wonder who he is messaging? He would do best to message other single parents, ladies in their 40s etc. If I was single and younger I wouldn’t want to go out with a man with two kids to be honest, but as a single parent, someone else who understood about having kids is a positive!

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 09/03/2019 11:28

If he mentions his dc overly in his ad maybe it comes across as a dm replacement advert...

Original poster
purpleberry11 · 09/03/2019 11:30

Hi that is who is messaging,same age group, mums with kids, he's good with kids, kind ,fun and easy going. personally , I think it is all just a waste of chance. He puts so much thought into the message, but then nothing.

OP posts:
Jogrighton · 09/03/2019 11:34

It takes thick skin and perseverance OLD. I don't think he's doing much wrong, he would tick a lot of boxes for me!! A full head of hair is definitely a bonus Wink

thefirst48 · 09/03/2019 11:35

Tell him to just try a hey how are you message instead.

NC4Now · 09/03/2019 11:36

What are his pics like?

Original poster
purpleberry11 · 09/03/2019 12:00

They are ok just a picture, of his face. Taken from a phone indoors

OP posts:
Squeegle · 09/03/2019 12:27

Maybe he could go on my single friend and you could do the write up for him!

Cakeandslippers · 09/03/2019 12:47

I met my dh through old. I would be put off with just one pic of his face. I tended to like profiles with a few pics which gave me an insight into the person. E.g I liked pics of outdoorsy activities, maybe a pic in a nice pub and something a bit silly and didn't go for guys whose pics were all taken on nights out or looked very 'laddy'. It'll be different for everyone but could be worth a try?

Frecklesonmyarm · 09/03/2019 12:50

Maybe take some better pictures.

If people aren't replying, is he putting too much into his message?

He is looking at the same age group, thevwomen are looking for.

To be honest dating as a single parent is something I found difficult. If I found myself in a relationship, I didn't really want to try and blend my kids with however many they had. I have never wanted loads of kids so found the idea quite overwhelming But then men with no kids often didn't want someone with kids or would want them eventually.

In the end, I met dp at my mates house. He does have a son but who is 20 and live independently. Dos son is more than welcome to come live with us, if something happened and he lost his home or relationship. But blending my kids with an adult son has been far easier and dps son is amazing with my kids.

Auba14 · 09/03/2019 13:33

I think that it’s much harder for men than women when it comes to online dating as women seem these days to have a huge choice of men - therefore if someone doesn’t meet their exact criteria they’ll disregard the person.

Firstly, the woman he is messaging is probably getting 10+ messages per day from other men. His message needs to stand out! The first message should be brief and picking up on something in her profile that you may have a common interest in, or something you’d like to ask further. Ask some questions in the opening post and don’t talk about yourself. Keep it to one paragraph maximum and most of all....stand out. The pictures are another thing, he needs some situational photos out with friends or doing an activity and a full length one that shows his height - just selfies taken at home with your mobile don’t look great.

He sounds like a lovely man and I hope he meets someone equally as good for him!

Ameliant · 09/03/2019 13:42

It's all about the pictures. Look through all his photos and choose the most appealing, take a few for him if need be. His profile is only of interest if his pic grabs some ones interest.

Bubblegumgal · 09/03/2019 18:43

With guys OLD is just a numbers game. There’s nothing he’s doing wrong (although more pics may help) it’ll just take time (think about how many messages you’ve received that you haven’t responded to if you’ve done old before.)
Tinder is better imo as the chances of getting a message back are higher as they’ve already expressed some interest by matching

Lauren83 · 09/03/2019 18:56

I agree if his first message is quite long and detailed it might come across as too much, I would just try a brief hello message and take it from there, if they are interested in his profile they will respond and then the conversation might build up, I met my partner on Tinder and I think his first message was just a quick hello

Notcoolmum · 09/03/2019 19:05

Sounds just what I'm looking for. Whereabouts in the country is he?! 😂😂

Original poster
purpleberry11 · 09/03/2019 19:31

He's lives in Surrey

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 09/03/2019 22:03

I’ve just deleted the OLD apps (again!) because I was getting so fed up of either messaging guys I have matched with and getting no response or matching and getting no first messages!
I was putting way more time in for what i was getting out of it and would rather spend my time doing other things than aimlessly swiping/messaging.

So I just wanted to say it’s not just men who wxienriwnce this and I don’t agree that it’s easier for women at all!

I hope he has more luck soon.

Sunshineandflipflops · 09/03/2019 22:04

*experience

SavageBeauty73 · 09/03/2019 22:12

He needs more than one pic.

He sounds great.

funkylittleboatrace · 09/03/2019 22:37

What site is he using?

Original poster
purpleberry11 · 10/03/2019 06:44

Match, but overall some good advice, pictures and a bit of luck. Is does seem a lot of work , in order to sell yourself and just a get a single date. How did we ever find partners before the internet.

OP posts:
Ameliant · 10/03/2019 10:00

In London/Surrey Tinder seems to be the most popular site, just about everyone who dates is on there, even if they're on a paying site as well.

No harm in him giving it a go, lots of nice women I know use it.

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