No commitment at the moment

[cadburymilkchoc]

I've been seeing a guy for 2 months. We were together 5 years ago but split as he was posted to another country. Both young and went our separate ways. He came back into my life at the beginning of the year. He had just finished being with someone. Said he wanted to speak to me before but felt it inappropriate as he was with someone. When he was away he met someone out there too and they married. Things didn't work out he said they became platonic friends. This was almost a year ago they split. He is still married.

With us we get on so well, both want the same things in life. We are both exclusive with each other but he has said he can't commit to me at the moment.
Do you think this could be because of all the stuff in his past not working out and he feels scared? I don't really know what he means by it to be honest.

It's because he's still a married man. And frankly, after a year (supposedly) of separation, if he hasn't started divorce proceedings yet I'd take a very very very large step back.

I would guess he's still fully married and be intrigued to know if his wife knows he's "separated"

I have no worries about him and the ex In another country. He is good friends with her I've seen messages all platonic. He has moved on and it was his decision to leave her and come home.

Also had a quick nose and her fb profile says she's single. So yes she knows they are separated

Bump

Perhaps you are good enough for now but not "the one"?

😔 yes that thought has crossed my mind

It's 2 months you should be having fun. If you don't think he's that into you end it and walk away. You seem totally invested already?

This is going to sound harsh but based on the information you provided he doesn’t like to be on his own. He knew / knows you are bankabke as girlfriend potential.

He isn’t adverse to commitment but it means something different to him. He is committed to the person he is with but moves on quickly. His feelings do not run deeply and he will not put down deep roots emotionally or in any other way.

lemon no I think that makes sense and deep down I've felt it. His ex in the other country apparently said he is emotionless and they went for couples counselling. He has always been open and honest with his feelings and thoughts to me. But yea I'm not sure if he is capable of deep emotions.

Also he has told me he doesn't like to be let down because his dad used to always let him down. So I feel he stops himself getting attached because he doesn't want to be let down. Think I've answered my own question 😔

You sound like a placeholder girlfriend to him

Sounds like a serial monogamist to me. He will be true and faithful until he moves onto the next woman.

his dad used to always let him down. So I feel he stops himself getting attached because he doesn't want to be let down.

He sounds at least semi self-aware. But I think you're right, he's never going to really open his heart to anyone. You can enjoy it while it lasts, but if you're looking for something more long lasting and meaningful, probably best to throw him back now.

The last time months he has been saying he wants to sort his life out and he's been really depressed since coming back to the UK and found it hard to adjust. Said he wants to take things really slow and wants to have a better life than before. What I don't get is he said he can't commit right now but he is coming to big friend and family events with me. E.g. weddings. And I feel if you weren't in it with someone you wouldn't go right?

The last few months*

Also I'll just throw this out there. I feel like my brain is being really irrational today. I feel my anxiety is the worst it's been for a while. I had counselling last year to do with relationships as all mine have been awful. Now I'm scared someone else is going to leave me and I'm worried I'm the problem by being too much too soon. Because usually I jump into relationships head first. Taking it slow is new to me and scares the life out of me. I'm an overthinker and I think im creating problems in my head that aren't there.
God I sound crazy!