Hi all this is my first post on here, and ive had to come on here to get advice, help or anything in regards to my marriage.
I am a 25 year old Male, who has been married to my wife for 3 years, and it had been a rollercoaster ride!! We always end up fighting over the smallest things, there is no intimacy, and recently we have become very distant.
We have known each other for quite a while now since school/college. At the beginning it was perfect, the honeymoon period as you would say. We moved in our first house, and sought to build our lives and continue building. However for almost a year now, we seem to have drifted apart, we both work full time, and its gotten to a point where we would fight every weekend and make up on weekdays.
However things have really gotten bad between us, as i have lost all trust in the relationship, i have caught my wife on several occasions flirting with other men on her phone, once caught she would break down and promise it would never happen again... several months later it occurs again.. and again.. it used to get to the point where i would secretly check her phone to see whom she messages (not read the messages, but look for unusual contacts or names i dont recognise) .. the fighting would get so bad she would ask for a divorce, but then change her mind. I do love her, and would do anything to make it work.
Recently she has started hanging around with her single girlfriends and taking less interest in our marriage. Wants to always go out with them, rejects my offers to go to dinner, watch a movie and etc...
It seems as im ranting about her, but im not perfect myself. I had a drug addiction to substances which caused havoc within the relationship at one point. She told me to stop or id lose her... ive been clean for 2 years now... however she has started smoking weed, not that its a bad thing but when questioned recently she said its my body you put sh/t in yours for years... i was hurt hearing that though its true, but i stopped as soon as she said id lose her.
Just recently we had a heart to heart and said look lets forget everything thats happened in the past, and lets focus on us together and build on our future. She was hesistant and needed time to think as she was emotionally drained from all the fighting... however she did agree in the end. Fast forward two weeks from that conversation were not speaking, she sleeps in other room. Fight initiated as apparently i did not let her see her friends everyday at night so she could chill. I didnt have a problem with her seeing her friends, the only problem i had was it was late, we both have work in morning, so i suggested going after work the next day.. she disAgreed and at the time we was at a family event must have been around 10-11pm and she said im sat here making an effort with your family for you.. i responded they look at you like one of their daughters, its not like i dont speak to your family, you just dont invite me to go with you anymore.
Anyway the next day we made up, but she said after work shes off out for a meal with the girls, i said thats fine let me know when your back... got to around 8pm i rang no answer, 10pm rang again, and she messages dont ring just message with the girls. I thought wtf? This is first time ever she has said this, normally when any of us ring regardless where we are who were with we would answer even if its for 5-10 seconds.. but nope no answer.. and when she came home my anger got the better of me, hence why we havent spoke last couple days...i dont trust her at all as i know she had flirted with others via text/snapchat before and has been caught... and we used to share our phones like its a norm, but she now does everything secretly, doesnt let me see her phone let alone use it, and when asked why does she hide her phone (put it out of sight) when i sit next to her, she says its my phone private... nothing used to be private we both openly shared everything... but this has been recent and her behaviour has been distant, started dressing nicer, and wearing makeup (when she says she is off to her mums) ... ive tried so hard to close the gap and get everything to work, but she lives like a room-mate, i think the only reason she hasnt left is because she has nowhere to go (her mum wont let her back in if she leaves from here)
Its got to a point now where i feel like OK if this is what it is, then this is what it is. F U and ill do me, so past few days i’ve started living like a single person not caring about her, doing my own things, eating on my own.
What do you guys reckon, is there coming back from this or am i right in believing this has ended, and stop caring for ber and get on with my own.