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Relationships

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Need advice please

4 replies

PrawnChorus · 09/03/2019 01:40

Namechanged for this- partner of 5 years married for 2 never wants us to have sex -100% no infidelity right from the start when I was was 5 stone (Blush) slimmer and completely different physically he wasn’t really interested in sex 100% not gay and I believe he does love me he has a lot of serious health issues and i accept this as I love him and I’ve stuck by him we’ve gone almost a year at a time without sex now 5 years in I’ve supported him through chronic health issues and redundancy 100% funding our relationship but now I’m suffering with crippling depression and got drunk tonight tried to have an open conversation about sex and he’s just not interested I’ve told him it’s not even a dealbreaker as I love him and we both just want to to get a mortgage together as neither of us can ever afford to buy alone (I’m older) but I can’t go on forever in a sexless marriage like this. Ugh this post is so rambling I know but I had to get it out

OP posts:
Frecklesonmyarm · 09/03/2019 02:12

You need to have this conversation sober.

Theres no point telling him it's ok if it's not. Staying together just for a mortgage wont help. You will end up more frustrated and stay because of the house.

I am not saying the next but to be awful. But how much older are you? Do you think this the best you can do? Are you settling?

PrawnChorus · 09/03/2019 02:26

6 years older but was single for 10 years before we got together and scared of going back to that- don’t think I would ever meet anyone again if I didn’t in my twenties. Have tried the conversation sober many many times but it’s just brushed aside

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 09/03/2019 03:38

OK, so you've known for 5 years that he's asexual, but you've chosen to stay with him even though you can't suppress your own sex drive.

Would he be happy for you to seek a discreet FWB arrangement?

If not, probably time to go.

Frecklesonmyarm · 09/03/2019 10:54

So you dont want to be with him. You have settled. If so you will never be happy.

I agree with pp, that an open marriage may be the solution. But only you know if this would work with you and him. Some people have great open relationships. Some dont.

I suspect you wouldn't, because if you met someone, was sleeping with them and you both got feelings for eachother. You would be off like shot. That's not judging you. But this isn't a happy relationship, that you are only in because you dont want to be alone.

If you are unhappy in your marriage and sleeping with other people and theres a chance you can have a better relationship and life with someone else rather than your husband, you will want to leave your husband.

If marriage with no sex is not for you (and I don't blame you for this, Its wouldn't be for me either) then you probably need to end the marriage.

I think you know, deplep down you shouldn't have married him in the first place. You ignored the issues, probably thinking it would get better and because you didn't want to be alone.

Again, this isn't judgment. I can understand that. But if you arent happy qndbits not going to improve. You would be best moving on.

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