Why does this annoy me so much? Come and hand me a grip.

[TooFlyJeffGoldblum]

It was dh's birthday last week which was lovely, then today he bought home a card from his work people. All lovely, except one of his young female work people had written him a lovely message and drawn a heart. For some reason it's really annoying me. Why?? Dh is perplexed by the heart, and thinks it's quite awkward but maybe it's a 'youth' thing.

For context, he has had slightly suspicious behaviour around women before/hiding things etc so I suppose that's why.

They've also been on business trips to another city (the whole team) so he's been drunk and in the same hotel as her and now of course there's a fucking heart in his card. Of course there is.

I'm sure she's just a lovely person and did it without thinking but it is annoying me very much and I'm not entirely sure why. Please feel free to hand me a grip or wine or anything to hide my fixed grimace to dh ("Of course I'm fine! I'm fiiiiiiine!")

I don't think he would have brought home the card if there was something going on

Here you go

You’re over thinking it and it’s highly unlikely something to be suspicious of

Thank you! I'm am taking your grips and clinging on to them!

It's that horrible thing where I know I'm being ridiculous but we were having such a lovely time with no drama, feeling very loved and of course there's something to kick me down. Which is also a ridiculous way to think of course... More wine!

You're being a bit silly - if he was having any kind of affair, emotional or otherwise, the birthday card would have stayed in the office. Where I work, people sign birthday cards with hearts and kisses - it means nothing. Have a glass of wine and enjoy your weekend.

It annoys you because your dh has form and could very well have his eye on this person, and she him if he's been giving off signals. Simple as. If you can't trust him this is the life you have with him now, being upset by, what for others is a silly thing.

Thanks LuckyLou I work with miserable buggers so it's nice to hear there are lots of nice people out there!

Grrr she seems like a bit of a shit stirrer

sadie the form is nothing awful but I do get nervous about things being hidden. We talk it through and things feel fine, then a daft heart makes me go hmmm... I need to let it go or run for the hills.

Bubba You would have loved the girl dh worked with who wrote him an actual gushing letter when he left his job. 2 pages. Front AND back! It was quite epic.

(as in 4 sides. 2 bits of paper. Front and back. Oof.)

I signed my Director’s 60th birthday card with an X after my name. Didn’t realise until someone commented on it, after we gave it to him.

I’m 38 and certainly not interested in him

OP I had 20 plus years of this kind of shit with my H. He works in a mainly female profession and there were always "girls" (as in 20 years ago now they are women,) coming onto him....or so I thought. I now realise he had weak boundaries and encouraged/ actively sought flirty behaviour cos he needed constant validation. He would show me shit like this so I know how popular he was....whilst all the time maintaining a professional "it's nothing" demeanour.

If it's a one off- fine. If it becomes a pattern and other stuff riles you - be aware.

Bubba You would have loved the girl dh worked with who wrote him an actual gushing letter when he left his job. 2 pages. Front AND back! grin It was quite epic.

This is the nonsense I'm talking about. I spent 20 plus years thinking these women were "out to get my nan " before realising he was instigating shit.

Out to get my man.....not my nan

One Xmas a younger colleague got him a Focke Wulf model plane ....He has zero interest in planes or models....I now think it was a bit of innuendo/ private joke.

As others have said if something was going on I'd doubt he's off bought the card home.

We do birthday card at work and I've always added a few kisses to both the men and woman's cards hopefully I've not upset any wife's lol

I think some people just put xxxs or 💓 on cards with out thinking.
It really used to piss me off when my boss who was a bully used to always put a x at the end of every email she sent me.
I couldn't decide if it was a passive/ aggressive move, or just stupid

I have no problem with a few xxxs on a card. Drawn and coloured in heart is a bit ick.

I think I have (vaguely) high standards for myself, in that I wouldn't put a heart on a married male colleague's card in case it annoyed his wife (or he thought I was a weirdo). Do I just overthink everyone else's feelings as well as my own?

2019 There's definitely a type isn't there? We've had to have a big talk about boundaries before as he does seem a bit...hapless. Lots of "I didn't know that would hurt you!" "I didn't know she'd take it like that!" etc. Most recent was one woman he went to lunch AND on breaks with every day (while telling me he ate lunch alone in the park every day.) Yet when she left and tried (lots of times) to meet up with him 1-1, he dropped her like an absolute stone. Told her he wanted to spend time with his wife/he'd rather meet in a group/he was tired and couldn't be bothered. She sounded so confused and I had to explain to him how she may have got the wrong idea somewhat. He thought I was crazy and clearly he'd just been work friends, and now they didn't work together so didn't need to talk and why didn't she get that?
So weird. Sorry you've experienced twattage, hope things are better for you now. And thank you, as the image of all those women after your nan made me laugh so much

Redshoe How weird! Did you take the opportunity to reply with equally passive aggressive kisses, hearts, cat-with-heart-eyes, aubergine?

I'm lol'ing it every man being after 2019's nan
😂 😂 😂

OP I'm the most cynical bitch ever about infidelity but I really don't think hearts in a card are anything to worry about. I have occasionally drawn a heart when I can't think of anything to say, because it sounds better than "I have no idea who you are".

He thought I was crazy and clearly he'd just been work friends, and now they didn't work together so didn't need to talk and why didn't she get that?

Looking at this from a mans perspective, I can believe this. Some men just don't see what's happening in front of them because they aren't looking for it, if you see what I mean.

I would have thought if there was anything to hide, he wouldn't have brought the card home.

So he lied to you that he ate lunch alone in the park?

Lots of ‘I didn’t know that would hurt you ‘ and ‘I didn’t know she would take it like that.’

Most recent was the woman he went to lunch AND on breaks with everyday (while telling me he ate alone in the park every day). Yet when she left and she tried (lots of times) to meet up 1-1, he dropped her like an absolute stone. She sounded so confused and I had to explain to him how she may have got the wrong idea somewhat.

You would have loved the girl Dh worked with who wrote him an actual gushing letter when he left his job. 2 pages. Front AND back!

Toofly, if he is so ‘hapless,’ why did he lie to you about eating alone, when he was actually enjoying cozy lunches and breaks with another woman?

It seems that your DH has a pattern of seeking ego-boosts from other women. He knows what he is doing, and is not the bumbling fool that he wants you to believe he is. The proof is in the lie.

Why are you tolerating this?

MsDogLady I’ve had exactly that conversation with him and I’ve been really clear that it’s a massive turn off. But I’m quite torn. Half of me thinks he could be after ego boosts, but I’ve also seen the way he acts around other people. He’s super sweet, polite, helpful, never sleazy, would run across the office to hold a door open for someone (male or female). He has very cute/funny mannerisms as well as I think some people would see them as a bit flirtatious (he doesn’t though!)

The lunch woman was 2 years ago and nothing odd has happened since then. He’s done a lot of work on improving his boundaries as he realized that he was hurting me. I’d felt like things were great so I’m really ducked off with myself that a daft heart (that was probably meant kindly) has brought this up again. Hence the need for wine and grips

Oops sorry it’s op with a name change as I managed to forget my password and the password to the email address is set it up with. Well done brain

Honestly, I just couldn’t get past the lying. In lying to you, he was prioritizing her and hiding her. To me, that is infidelity. That would create a lifetime of uncertainty and anxiety, and I wouldn’t do that.

Have you met Heart Woman? I would not feel comfortable with this, not least because of their working away together. I’m trying to imagine my husband’s colleagues signing a card. It would be extremely strange for ANY of them to draw a heart. He would deem this as very inappropriate.

Why does Heart Woman feel comfortable crossing this boundary? Is DH repeating his pattern and encouraging her to show this affection? How can you rely on him to be truthful? He has form for acting ‘perplexed’ after-the-fact.

During the other situations, did he call or message the women? Could you investigate his phone, phone bills, computer, etc.?

Have you been to individual counseling? I believe you would benefit from having a safe place to express yourself.

Well the girl my ex cheated with put kisses and hearts on a public birthday post and they were cheating. Some people don't care. Hopefully there's nothing to worry about.